Laura’s Strengthening Marriage Blog

How long has it been since you wrote your sweetheart a love letter? With recent news of Governor Mark Sanford’s “extramarital emails” I couldn’t help but wonder how his life would be different if he had invested the same time and energy into writing love letters to his wife.

Certainly it can take more effort to feel those romantic feelings toward one’s spouse when many years of marriage have passed, but it is simply a matter of where we put our time, effort and attention that counts, for love is an action. Feelings follow–not lead. Read the rest of this entry �

Welcome to our “Open Forum 2″ discussion page! Due to the growing size of our first Open Forum page we have created a new section to post your questions and comments. Some of the last few discussion posts from the Open Forum 1 have been moved to this new Open Forum 2 page. Please reply to this Open Forum 2 post below for any new discussion questions/posts.

Click here to review previous discussions on Open Forum 1 (posts from Aug 14, 2007 - Jun 29, 2009).

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A few months ago I received a press request by a writer for the women’s magazine First to do an interview with someone who had overcome an intimacy challenge. They wanted the story for their “Private Confidence” column. I recommended the couple who had joined me for a TV appearance back in September 2008.

Heidie Lee and her husband Chris not only did a great job on the TV appearances, but apparently did a really great job with this magazine interview, as the writers/editors were able to produce a pretty awesome column. They even came to Heidie and Chris’s home to take pictures of them for the story. A darling photo of Chris and Heidie are included with the article.

How I Took the Taboo Out of Sex

The title of the article is, “How I Took the Taboo Out of Sex–And Transformed my Marriage!” In it Heidie shares her story of overcoming her difficulty in expressing herself inside the bedroom, as well as outside the bedroom. She talks about the role the book, And They Were Not Ashamed–Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment played in her ability to overcome her inhibitions and transform her marriage.

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In working with couples it is quite evident that men and women each assign different meaning to lovemaking. It is common, and not terribly surprising that many women do not fully understand the nature of the sexual relationship from a man’s perspective. To be fair, men have a difficult time comprehending the nature of the sexual relationship from a woman’s perspective as well.

Sex is the Highest Form of Love

For women, having sex does not necessarily equate with feeling love. That seems to be a learned behavior. For a majority of women, it’s just not the primary way (or initial way) they feel love.

Not true for a man. For many if not most men sex is the epitome of love. Most wives would be hard pressed to find a better way to express their love to their husbands than by willingly and enthusiastically engaging in sexual intimacy with them. Read the rest of this entry �

Myths about marriage often get perpetuated leading many to make unwise decisions based on faulty information. In reviewing the latest research on marriage, I was a bit surprised by some of the findings myself. See for yourself how “with it” you are in knowing the truth about marriage by taking this Marriage Myths Quiz. It’s good to know the facts!

True or False?

1. Married people have more sex. 

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Carrie Prejean, Miss California USA, gave an honest answer to a politically charged pageant question more than three weeks ago, and has been viciously attacked ever since.

I’ve been appalled and disgusted by all who have sought to ruin the life and reputation of one who chose to voice her honest and widely held, yet “politically incorrect” opinion about the nature of marriage. Read the rest of this entry �

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Equality means that any man and woman who wants to marry can do so. Any other combinations are going to have to find something else to call it, since “marriage” is already taken. Marriage was defined and created by God. It’s not up for human redefinition. 
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Miss California recently got caught up in a heated controversy about marriage when answering an interview question during the Miss USA pageant. I’m not a big fan of beauty pageants, but I’m now a big fan of Carrie Prejean who stood up for marriage!
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A university student, doing some research about cultural influences on sex, recently contacted me for an interview. One of the many things he wanted to know was how to define a healthy sexual relationship.

While there may be a number of ways one might define a healthy sexual relationship in marriage, the following represents my definition:

1. Mutually Fulfilling. Lovemaking is mutually enjoyable and satisfying for both husband and wife. (This would include regular orgasms for both husband and wife.)
2. Open Communication. Husband and wife communicate openly and honestly about sex–including their needs and preferences. This ability allows them to reconcile the many differences that will inevitably arise in the sexual relationship.
3. Satisfactory Frequency. Both husband and wife feel satisfied with the frequency of lovemaking. (My husband thought I should include that it be at least once a year! : )
4. Emotional Connection Beyond the Bedroom. In order for the relationship to come full circle there must be good emotional connection outside the bedroom as well. 

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