It can be complicated to try to figure out all the right ingredients for a woman to experience an orgasm. Many women have tried almost everything they can imagine. Maybe they are missing one necessary ingredient…

Because every woman and every relationship is so different I thought I’d start compiling a running list here of things couples might try to bring about orgasm. Most of these suggestions are things that have specifically helped couples I’ve counseled.

So, gook luck in your sexual adventures, and let us know what suggestions have been most helpful. We’d love to have readers share their secret sexual ingredients as well if they are willing! ; )

Orgasm Helps and Hints

1. Remember for women sex is a decision, so make the decision to go there!
2. Read And They Were Not Ashamed and do the homework at the end of each chapter to clear out as many inhibiting issues as you can on your own and/or with your spouse.
3. Initiate sex instead of being the more passive recipient of his sexual advances.
4. Take the lead sexually. A woman ultimately needs to be in charge of her orgasm to be sure she is getting what she needs. Husbands do play a big role not only in providing the physical/sexual stimulation that a woman needs, but also they are a key to the mental and emotional foreplay that she needs.
5. Be sure you and your husband have specifically read chapters 3, 4 and 5 of my book And They Were Not Ashamed so that you both understand the intricacies of a woman’s sexual wiring and the differences between a husband and a wife’s sexual wiring.  
6. Utilize lingerie to get in the mood, to feel sexy, and to make a conscious decision to go there, ‘cuz for women sex is a decision! Put it on even a while before lovemaking to help you mentally prepare.
7. Utilize some mood music or bedroom music to help get in the mood, stay focused on romantic emotions and help keep out mental distractions.
8. Utilize scented candles to lower the lights to help with body image worries and to add a pleasurable aromatic addition to the experience. It can make the whole experience more romantic and help her go from “mommy” mode to wife and lover mode.
9. Use Lelo Balls as kegel muscle exercisers to strengthen the vaginal and pelvic floor muscles (PC muscles) and learn what orgasm feels like (the contractions).
10. Do kegel exercises/contractions during lovemaking/intercourse to increase pleasure and to lead your body to the involuntary PC muscle contractions that occur during orgasm.
11. Keep a sex journal to identify what helps you with arousal and what hinders arousal.
12. Have more buildup, more foreplay in your lovemaking. Don’t overlook the necessity of foreplay to get a woman ready for orgasm. Review chapter 3 of And They Were Not Ashamed to understand the Warm-up/Preparation phase women may need in order to be able to go all the way!
13. Do the “positive flooding” exercise on pg 53 of my book (And They Were Not Ashamed) to help with mental and emotional connection and arousal. It’s great emotional foreplay!
14. Increase your verbalizations during lovemaking, which can significantly increase sexual arousal especially for women because of the mental foreplay/arousal it provides. Utilize auditory arousal (pg 133, And They Were Not Ashamed) to help with getting her mind focused and helping to shut out mental distractions. This could simply be verbal expressions of pleasure on either or both of your parts.
15. Create role play scenarios to play out mentally and verbally during lovemaking to help keep her mind occupied (Auditory Arousal).
16. Make your orgasmic efforts a fun and playful journey–no pressure! Don’t get too serious about it. Let it happen as you are barely paying attention to it. Just play around together. It’s tough to do when you’re frustrated about not experiencing orgasm, but orgasm occurs best in a relaxed environment of enjoyment and playfulness than with too much focused concentration on a specific outcome. Let go of the outcome, that whatever happens it will be good!
17. Be sure you are getting enough clitoral stimulation. Play around with the clitoris to identify just what’s pleasurable instead of to “have an orgasm.” Figure out what feels good to you there? What kind of movement? How much pressure? etc.
18. Try using a vibrator to help your body more easily experience the necessary clitoral stimulation and sexual arousal. Would an orgasm with a vibrator used together in lovemaking be better than no orgasm at all? See also my Straight Talk Q&A about vibrator use.
19. Be sure you have enough lubrication for pleasurable sensations.
20. Keywords for your lovemaking journey to orgasm should be: playful, teasing, exploring, adventurous
21. Try the Sensate Focus exercises (pg 242, And They Were Not Ashamed) and keep a sex journal about what you learn regarding what turns you on and what turns you off.
22. Consider decreasing your SSRI/depression medication and increase SAM-e supplement to decrease the negative sexual side effects (inhibited orgasm).
23. Do some free writing/process writing or have a conversation with your spouse about the meaning of orgasm?
24. Do some free writing/process writing or have a conversation with your spouse to explore the concept of sexual surrender/ letting go sexually or any related fears of losing control during lovemaking.
25. Engage in more emotional connection. Be sure you’re having regular date nights, couple time and/or pillow talk. Check out these Date Night articles and such!
26. Read other books that provide specific erotic activities that you could try. One wife found some great little techniques in John Gray’s Mars and Venus in the Bedroom for her and her husband to try that allowed her to get turned on enough to experience orgasm. This only came after a lot of work on relationship issues and emotional connection, so don’t start with sexual “techniques” if the relational/emotional foundation isn’t already good.
27. Learn to better focus your thoughts and pay attention to the pleasurable sexual sensations during lovemaking. Good sex is a mental discipline.
28. Repeat favorite love songs in your head to help with the mental discipline.
29. Be okay with surrender. Adopt a “take me” attitude! ; )
30. Be sure you have enough time to not worry or be rushed.
31. Increase body acceptance. Address body image issues. Listen to the body image podcasts (#033 – #037) and do the heart circle exercise repeating “I deeply and completely love and accept my body just the way it is!”
32. Develop and nourish your identity as a sexual being. “I am a sexual being, and it’s good!” Listen to the podcast #030 on developing a sexual identity.
33. Be sure your husband is able to contain himself as you get more and more aroused, so he doesn’t get too excited or make a big deal about your progress, or it can stop your sexual progress and make you feel self-conscious.
34. If you haven’t been able to figure it out yet, then be sure to employ the assistance of a marriage counselor/sex therapist (or check my Marital Intimacy Therapist Registry) to help dig into the specifics of things you may have missed or overlooked.
35. Keep the faith but let go of the need for orgasm and just enjoy your husband and the pleasurable experiences you share. Letting go of it is often requisite for it to show up!

Related Resources:

• Listen t0 my Marital Intimacy Show podcast “Overcoming Obstacles of the Big ‘O’” — Part 1 – 3 (episodes #019 – #021)

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For more tips to strengthen your marriage join us on Facebook!

FACEBOOK PAGE  Strengthening Marriage, Inc.

FACEBOOK PAGE  The Marital Intimacy Show

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Subscribe to Laura’s Strengthening Marriage Blog
Subscribe to Blog Entries
Subscribe to Blog Comments

Subscribe to The Marital Intimacy Show
Receive Email Updates for Each Episode

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Marriage and intimacy expert, Laura M. Brotherson, is the author of a bestselling book on sexual intimacy and marital oneness entitled, And They Were Not Ashamed—Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment.

Laura shares her passion for building strong marriages and families as an author, intimacy expert, marriage and family therapist, and host of “The Marital Intimacy Show” on The Women’s Information Network (The WIN).

Visit her website StrengtheningMarriage.com to learn more and to sign up for her “Straight Talk about Strengthening Marriage” newsletter.

StrengtheningMarriage.com is your trusted resource for education, products and services to strengthen marriages . . . intimately!

© Copyright 2012 Laura M. Brotherson. All rights reserved.

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Other Ways to Connect with Laura!

Wondering about the discrepancy between the many women who dress provocatively in public and the many wives who struggle to share themselves freely with their spouses in the bedroom, one husband asked, “Does it take more confidence for a woman to dress revealingly in public, or to dress revealingly in her bedroom for her husband?”

What do you think?

The Bait and Switch

This question reminds me of the many men who feel that their wives were very passionate and affectionate before marriage then found that that didn’t translate into their marriage relationship. One husband even called it a “bait and switch.”

It’s my contention that women don’t mean to do this on purpose. They are simply poorly prepared for a healthy sexual relationship in marriage and often don’t understand the message and consequences of their flirty behavior.

It’s one thing for a woman to seem like “a tease” prior to marriage (though I don’t think most women mean to, at least consciously). It’s something completely different for them to be prepared to follow through on that tease within marriage!

It’s all about a healthy sense of self and one’s sexuality. This is not something that is generally taught, modeled or developed in young women (or men). Thus we can see some of the roots of sexual frustration in marriage.

What Is Sexual Self-Confidence?

Sexual self-confidence is the self-assurance and God-assurance, even, that one is loved and acceptable to one’s self and to God. This is coupled with sexual knowledge and application within marriage. Feeling sexy means you like and accept yourself–complete with flaws and imperfections–and embrace your sexuality. Being at peace with oneself is key to unlocking one’s sexual potential in marriage.

In my opinion, it does take more confidence and a stronger self-image to dress provocatively in front on one’s husband than it does to dress provocatively in public. Think about it.

To dress immodestly in public is fairly easy. You get lots of attention for being “eye candy,” without having to “do” anything to follow through with the consequences of your appearance. It’s the tease without any follow-through.

To dress revealingly for one’s husband requires a willingness or ability to go where that might lead! To dress provocatively in the “bedroom” generally means that the clothing is ultimately going to come off. This creates a whole bunch of issues for many women.

Self-image, body image, feelings about one’s spouse and sex in general all become significant factors. It’s a terribly vulnerable and anxiety-causing endeavor. Thus it takes much more self-assurance to dress alluringly for one’s husband than it does to do so in public. It also takes being at peace with one’s body, one’s sexuality, and even one’s spouse.

Self-Confidence, Teenage Girls and Dress

These issues of self-image and self-confidence are also at play in why teenage girls dress immodestly. It’s one thing if young women have not been taught to respect their bodies and themselves, or have not been taught that modesty is a good idea. But it’s quite another when they have been taught these things and still dress provocatively.

It generally comes down to a lack or an emptiness within themselves, which makes the attention received too much for some to resist. When someone is lacking in self-assurance, then it’s easier to fall prey to compensating for it by dressing provocatively.

Dressing modestly as young girls, or as women, is part of what builds self-esteem, especially when it totally goes against societal norms, and often takes a lot of thought and effort to do so.

Dressing modestly invites others to interact with you as a whole person instead of relying on the distractions of overtly noticeable physical characteristics. Self-confidence is best built upon righteousness and a personal relationship with God, not attention to body parts. It’s a powerful confidence builder when we do things that are difficult, but right.

One of the best things we can do to discourage people from dressing inappropriately in public is to encourage them to work on their feelings of self-worth, rather than merely being another voice telling them to stop it. It would be similar to telling a hungry child to stop eating the cookies on the table to tell a woman to dress modestly if she is filling a void with the attention she receives.

Sexy is a State of Mind

How important is this sexual self-confidence for a wife? Let’s just say it’s the difference between a mediocre marriage and a passionate intimate relationship. Truly liking one’s self is the best aphrodisiac for a healthy and fulfilling sexual relationship.

Sexy is a state of mind. I like the statement, “I like who I am and I’m happy to share that with you!” If a woman, in particular, does not like herself inside and out, it is very difficult for her to share herself freely and fully with her husband.

Because a woman’s sexuality is primarily a product of her thoughts and beliefs about herself, her spouse, and sex in general, what goes on in a woman’s mind is of utmost importance. Having healthy, positive and productive thoughts, core beliefs, feelings, and attitudes form the foundation for true sexiness.

A sexy state of mind is a healthy and positive creation cultivated specifically for a mutually fulfilling and passionate marriage relationship. Beyond physical foreplay, the wise husband also pays careful attention to the psychological foreplay he engenders in his wife.

What Do Looks Have to Do with It?

Some have asked what one’s looks have to do with their sexual self-confidence. To be honest…the answer is NOTHING! Looks can be very deceiving.

I’ve worked with women who because of their appearance you would think would feel very sexy and enjoy sexual intimacy. They have all the supposed right “looks,” but they don’t really like themselves or their bodies (or their husbands, or sex itself). They find it very difficult to be or to feel sexy or to share themselves and their body with their spouse.

There are many other women who would not necessarily win a cover-girl contest, but who have developed their sexuality and their feelings about themselves, and their bodies, to the point of being very comfortable and even passionate within the sexual relationship. It’s not really about one’s looks, though it helps to at least feel like you are doing the best you can to take care of your physical body.

Make Sexual Self-Confidence a Priority

Making peace with one’s self and building a relationship with God are the keys to developing healthy self-confidence. Adding sexual knowledge and intimate learning with one’s spouse to that foundation, sexual self-confidence is created.

It’s not widely promoted for women to develop their sexual self-confidence, but it is being promoted here for the benefit of building many stronger and more intimate marriage relationships. The benefits are many! Just think of the positive and lasting legacy you will pass on to your children, in addition to the pleasurable benefits you’ll receive for yourself and your spouse!

Related Resources

• ARTICLE – Sexual Incompatibility 
• ARTICLE — The Bait and Switch in Marriage
• PODCAST — “What’s up with the Bait and Switch in Marriage Q&A?” Part 1 , Part 2 (The Marital Intimacy Show)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For more tips to strengthen your marriage join us on Facebook!

FACEBOOK PAGE Strengthening Marriage, Inc.

FACEBOOK PAGE The Marital Intimacy Show

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Subscribe to Laura’s Strengthening Marriage Blog
     Subscribe to Blog Entries
     Subscribe to Blog Comments

Subscribe to The Marital Intimacy Show
     Receive Email Updates for Each Episode

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Marriage and intimacy expert, Laura M. Brotherson, is the author of a bestselling book on sexual intimacy and marital oneness entitled, And They Were Not Ashamed—Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment.

Laura shares her passion for building strong marriages and families as an author, intimacy expert, marriage and family therapist, and host of “The Marital Intimacy Show” on The Women’s Information Network (The WIN). 

Visit her website StrengtheningMarriage.com to learn more and to sign up for her “Straight Talk about Strengthening Marriage” newsletter.

StrengtheningMarriage.com is your trusted resource for education, products and services to strengthen marriages . . . intimately!

© Copyright 2012 Laura M. Brotherson. All rights reserved.

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Other Ways to Connect with Laura!

Those amazing women at The Dating Divas have put together a one-of-a kind debut event to strengthen marriages — The Dating Divas “Successful Marriages” Tele-Retreat! Best of all — it’s FREE! — and you can participate right from the comfort of your own HOME.

On Wednesday, April 18th, 2012 at 6 p.m. (PST) or 7 p.m. (Mountain Time) I will be sharing some insights regarding “Spicing up Your Sexual Relationship.” Other amazing experts in love and marriage will be sharing their advice and experience throughout the week of April 16-20 as well. Rumor has it that there will also be some free gifts, so don’t miss out! : )

Register today by clicking here! You’ll find all kinds of great information and see all the fabulous presenters and their fun tele-seminar topics.

Over 1000 participants have already registered so don’t delay!

 Related Resources:

• Click here for the tele-seminar presentation slides!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For more tips to strengthen your marriage join us on Facebook!

FACEBOOK PAGE Strengthening Marriage, Inc.

FACEBOOK PAGE The Marital Intimacy Show

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Subscribe to Laura’s Strengthening Marriage Blog
     Subscribe to Blog Entries
     Subscribe to Blog Comments

Subscribe to The Marital Intimacy Show
     Receive Email Updates for Each Episode

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Marriage and intimacy expert, Laura M. Brotherson, is the author of a bestselling book on sexual intimacy and marital oneness entitled, And They Were Not Ashamed—Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment.

Laura shares her passion for building strong marriages and families as an author, intimacy expert, marriage and family therapist, and host of “The Marital Intimacy Show” on The Women’s Information Network (The WIN). 

Visit her website StrengtheningMarriage.com to learn more and to sign up for her “Straight Talk about Strengthening Marriage” newsletter.

StrengtheningMarriage.com is your trusted resource for education, products and services to strengthen marriages . . . intimately!

© Copyright 2012 Laura M. Brotherson. All rights reserved.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Other Ways to Connect with Laura!

When you vote we hope you’ll let About.com post your vote on your Facebook wall to remind others to vote too! : )

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For more tips to strengthen your marriage join us on Facebook!

FACEBOOK PAGE Strengthening Marriage, Inc.

FACEBOOK PAGE The Marital Intimacy Show

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Subscribe to Laura’s Strengthening Marriage Blog
     Subscribe to Blog Entries
     Subscribe to Blog Comments

Subscribe to The Marital Intimacy Show
     Receive Email Updates for Each Episode

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Marriage and intimacy expert, Laura M. Brotherson, is the author of a bestselling book on sexual intimacy and marital oneness entitled, And They Were Not Ashamed—Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment.

Laura shares her passion for building strong marriages and families as an author, intimacy expert, marriage and family therapist, and host of “The Marital Intimacy Show” on The Women’s Information Network (The WIN). 

Visit her website StrengtheningMarriage.com to learn more and to sign up for her “Straight Talk about Strengthening Marriage” newsletter.

StrengtheningMarriage.com is your trusted resource for education, products and services to strengthen marriages . . . intimately!

© Copyright 2012 Laura M. Brotherson. All rights reserved.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Other Ways to Connect with Laura!

This post is in connection with episode #030 “I Am a Sexual Being, and It’s Good” of The Marital Intimacy Show. For your convenience, the questions from that episode are posted here.

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I’ve recently come across some interesting research about women and the sexual issues they face, and what some of the best approaches are for helping women with these issues. It really boils down to women developing a sexual identity, or having that foundation for their intimate relationship in marriage.

Sexual Identity

What is a sexual identity? Basically it means that you see yourself as a sexual being, and embrace that as a good thing. And I’d even take it a step further to say that part of a healthy sexual identity is understanding the fact that your sexuality is of God.

Questions for Developing Your Sexual Identity

What I’d like to share here are some of the questions provided in the research, so that you can begin to explore these issues on your own. I’d suggest you get a notebook and begin to do some writing–investigating these questions.

Here are 15 questions to ponder, and do some writing about:

1. What do I think about sex? What does sex mean to me? What does sex mean to God?
2. What do I think about my body…all parts of it?
3. How did I learn about sex? What was I taught?
4. What do I want from sex? What do I want it to accomplish?
5. What kinds of things give me pleasure, even if not sexual?
6. Which of my senses give me pleasure? Touch? Taste? Sight? etc.
7. What am I passionate about, even if it’s not sexual? (Have a conversation with yourself about passion itself.) …Where are your passions? What do they say about you?
8. If your passions are non-sexual, what does that mean for you?
9. Have I ever been passionate about sex?
10. What was different then? What was different about me then?
11. Where did my passionate self go?
12. What things might I need to grieve over regarding passion in my life? Sexual or otherwise? (A lot of women have experienced some pain and heartache about sexual things…Those issues must be addressed and healed–usually with the help of a therapist.)
13. What keeps me from wanting and/or enjoying pleasure now?
14. What would it mean and what would it look like if I took responsibility for reconnecting my passion to my sexuality?
15. What would it mean to my husband if I embraced my sexuality? What would it mean to my children?

References:

Foley, S. (2003). Women in sex therapy: Developing a sexual identity. Contemporary Sexuality, 37(9), 7-13.

Related Resources:

• PODCAST — Episode #030 “I Am a Sexual Being…” on “The Marital Intimacy Show“
• ARTICLE — “Embracing Sexuality“

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For more tips to strengthen your marriage join us on Facebook!

FACEBOOK PAGE Strengthening Marriage, Inc.

FACEBOOK PAGE The Marital Intimacy Show

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Subscribe to Laura’s Strengthening Marriage Blog
     Subscribe to Blog Entries
     Subscribe to Blog Comments

Subscribe to The Marital Intimacy Show
     Receive Email Updates for Each Episode

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Marriage and intimacy expert, Laura M. Brotherson, is the author of a bestselling book on sexual intimacy and marital oneness entitled, And They Were Not Ashamed—Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment.

Laura shares her passion for building strong marriages and families as an author, intimacy expert, marriage and family therapist, and host of “The Marital Intimacy Show” on The Women’s Information Network (The WIN). 

Visit her website StrengtheningMarriage.com to learn more and to sign up for her “Straight Talk about Strengthening Marriage” newsletter.

StrengtheningMarriage.com is your trusted resource for education, products and services to strengthen marriages . . . intimately!

© Copyright 2012 Laura M. Brotherson. All rights reserved.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Other Ways to Connect with Laura!

Now that I am pretty heavy into counseling and therapy in my practice I am finding it difficult to find enough time to help everyone that is requesting my services. In addition, there are some who may not be able to afford counseling or who have spouses that won’t talk to anyone about it…at least at this point.

So, the purpose of this post is to provide some first steps for individuals or couples while they are waiting for additional help (particularly those on my current waiting list) or for those who are on their own in trying to improve their intimate relationship.

1. Read and Do the Homework in And They Were Not Ashamed

Step 1 of your self-help sex therapy is definitely to read (either together or on your own) my book And They Were Not Ashamed—Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment and do the homework suggested at the end of each chapter. This is similar to the kind of counseling work I would do with clients in sessions (and the homework I would give as well) to help clients identify what is getting in the way of them enjoying the sexual relationship as God intended it.

One of the reasons I wrote this book was because many people unfortunately wont go see a sex therapist, but they will read a book in the privacy of their own home. My book is available on CD or at Audible.com for you to listen to. It will soon be available as an ebook in it’s various formats. Yay!

2. Listen to The Marital Intimacy Show Podcasts

Step 2 is to listen to as many of my short and sweet Marital Intimacy Show podcasts as you can, and do at least a brief writing afterwards of the highlights and/or anything that caught your attention as applicable to your situation. These episodes are like FREE mini self-help counseling sessions that I would be having with you and/or your spouse if we were in a session together.

3. Utilize my Other Resources

Step 3 is to be sure you are utilizing the other resources I have for addressing your sexual questions and issues. In addition to the MIS audiocasts, other resources I have include:

• My blog – Laura’s Strengthening Marriage Blog. You’ll find many articles and posts that address the common issues couples face. My blog here also has a great reservoir of conversations between myself and our fabulous blog followers asking questions and trying to help each other out with their marital and intimacy challenges. You can find that information in the Open Forum sections on this blog.
• My Articles. I’ve written over 50 articles available on my website strenmarr.com to help you think through some of the challenges you may be facing. I generally provide some suggestions or action items for you to actively work on various dimensions of your life and your relationship.
• Facebook and Twitter. Social media is another great resource for information sharing, so be sure to join us on my Marital Intimacy Show page and my Strengthening Marriage, Inc. page on FB or follow me on Twitter @LauraBrotherson or @MaritalIntimacy to receive daily insights and motivation to help you strengthen your marriage.
• Newsletter. My “Straight Talk about Strengthening Marriage” newsletter is another resource to provide help in strengthening your marriage.
• Straight Talk Q&A — In my “Straight Talk Q&A” I’ve answered a lot of common questions that I’ve received over the years that can also help you figure out some helpful solutions for your own situation.
• More Books on the Way. Since there is no chance I’ll ever be able to help all those who may want or need my individual time and services, I am working on my next two books that again are very much what we would be working on together in counseling sessions. One of these next books will encapsulate the key secrets of female sexuality and the other will highlight the important aspects of male sexuality. These will be additional valuable resources for couples to have for additional self-help sex therapy.

4. Get Professional Help

Step 4 is to get professional help if the above steps are not enough.

I was telling my husband the other day that I just had to get doing my podcasts more frequently and to get our next two books written because I’m just not being able to reach enough people who want my help and he said, “You know Laura, that may be true, but I’m not sure any of those things can actually replace someone talking with your directly.” It was certainly a sweet thing for him to say, but it is also kinda true.

There’s a magic that happens in the process of counseling together that you really can’t recreate any other way. So, do get some help if the above suggestions are not enough. Thankfully for many couples it is enough to help them shift their sexual relationship! But that won’t be true for everyone.

So, to recap, (1) read my book And They Were Not Ashamed, (2) listen to my podcasts, (3) read and use the other resources on my website StrengtheningMarriage.com, and then (4) seek out professional help in the form of counseling or even just a couple consultations.

I hope this gives you some guidance as you engage in your own self-help sex therapy and work toward creating a wonderful, mutually fulfilling sexual relationship in your marriage!

Related Resources: 

• “Self-Help Sex Therapy” episode #057 — The Marital Intimacy Show podcast

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For more tips to strengthen your marriage join us on Facebook!

FACEBOOK PAGE  Strengthening Marriage, Inc.

FACEBOOK PAGE  The Marital Intimacy Show

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Subscribe to Laura’s Strengthening Marriage Blog
     Subscribe to Blog Entries
     Subscribe to Blog Comments

Subscribe to The Marital Intimacy Show
     Receive Email Updates for Each Episode

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Marriage and intimacy expert, Laura M. Brotherson, is the author of a bestselling book on sexual intimacy and marital oneness entitled, And They Were Not Ashamed—Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment.

Laura shares her passion for building strong marriages and families as an author, intimacy expert, marriage and family therapist, and host of “The Marital Intimacy Show” on The Women’s Information Network (The WIN). 

Visit her website StrengtheningMarriage.com to learn more and to sign up for her “Straight Talk about Strengthening Marriage” newsletter.

StrengtheningMarriage.com is your trusted resource for education, products and services to strengthen marriages . . . intimately!

© Copyright 2012 Laura M. Brotherson. All rights reserved.

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Other Ways to Connect with Laura!

Here are the questions from “The Marital Intimacy Show” episode #043 “Let’s Play 20 Questions.”

To help make it easier for you and your spouse to talk about your sexual relationship I encourage you to play this little game called “20 Questions–Your Conversation Starter about Sex.”

You can make this a date night activity or something to discuss as you go for a walk. You could also choose a night for some pillow talk (with no expectation that it will lead to anything…!) and then ask each other the following questions. You may want to take turns who answers each question first. Here we go!

1. What are three of your favorite things about lovemaking?
2. What three things did you previously think I liked most about lovemaking?
3. How often do you think most couples have sex?
4. What do you remember about our first kiss?
5. On a scale of 1-10 (1 = a little, 10 = a lot) how much do you enjoy kissing in general? What could make it better?
6. What is one of your favorite memories of us being intimate?
7. What are three things that happen outside “the bedroom” that make you most interested in being intimate?
8. What are three things that happen outside “the bedroom” that make you least interested in being intimate?
9. When we engage in non-sexual touch or affection (i.e. hold hands, hug, sit close, etc.) what does that usually communicate to you?
10. On a scale of 1-10 (1 = a little, 10 = a lot) how important is non-sexual touch and affection to you in our relationship?
11. Where do you most like being touched during lovemaking?
12. What does sex mean to you?
13. What is something you’ve thought might be fun to try sometime?
14. What misconceptions did you have about sex before we got married?
15. What is one thing you wish we would have done differently on our honeymoon?
16. How much do you think our honeymoon experiences affect the sexual relationship we have today?
17. Tell me what your ideal intimate encounter with me would be like?
18. What do you most think about or worry about when we are being intimate?
19. What do you most like me to say to you during lovemaking?
20. On a scale of 1-10 (1 = a little, 10 = a lot) how comfortable was it for us to have this conversation?

I hope this “20 Questions” activity will be a fun ice breaker for you and your spouse especially if you’ve had a hard time talking about your sexual relationship. It might even just provide you some new information to make your intimate relationship even better!

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For more tips to strengthen your marriage connect with us on Facebook:

FACEBOOK PAGE Strengthening Marriage, Inc.

FACEBOOK PAGE The Marital Intimacy Show

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Facebook — Let’s Connect!

Strengthening Marriage, Inc. — Become a fan!

“The Marital Intimacy Show” — Become a fan!

Subscribe to Laura’s Strengthening Marriage Blog

Subscribe to Blog Entries

Subscribe to Blog Comments

Subscribe to The Marital Intimacy Show

Receive Email Updates for Each Episode

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Marriage and intimacy expert Laura M. Brotherson is the author of a bestselling book on sexual intimacy and marital oneness entitled, And They Were Not Ashamed—Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment. Laura shares her passion for building strong marriages and families as an author, intimacy expert, relationship consultant, and host of the online “Marital Intimacy Show.”

Visit her website www.StrengtheningMarriage.com to learn more and to sign up for her “Straight Talk about Strengthening Marriage” newsletter. StrengtheningMarriage.com is your trusted resource for education, products and services to strengthen marriages . . . intimately!

© Copyright 2010 Laura M. Brotherson. All rights reserved.

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How many episodes of “The Marital Intimacy Show” have you heard? In case you haven’t heard them all yet — here’s the latest list of what you’ve been missing! You just won’t find this stuff anywhere else! Check it out today and subscribe for email alerts so you won’t miss a single episode!

#019 Overcoming Obstacles of the Big “O” — Part 1

#001 Six Tips to Strengthen Your Marriage Sexually–Part 1

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Facebook — Let’s Connect!

Strengthening Marriage, Inc. — Become a fan!

“The Marital Intimacy Show” — Become a fan!

Subscribe to Laura’s Strengthening Marriage Blog

Subscribe to Blog Entries

Subscribe to Blog Comments

Subscribe to The Marital Intimacy Show

Receive Email Updates for Each Episode

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Laura M. Brotherson is the author of a groundbreaking book on sexual intimacy and marital oneness entitled, And They Were Not Ashamed—Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment. Laura shares her passion for building strong marriages and families as an author, intimacy expert, online show host, and relationship consultant.

Visit her website www.StrengtheningMarriage.com to learn more and to sign up for her “Straight Talk about Strengthening Marriage” newsletter. StrengtheningMarriage.com is your trusted resource for education, products and services to strengthen marriages . . . intimately!

© Copyright 2010 Laura M. Brotherson. All rights reserved.

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Most of you are probably already familiar with The Women’s Information Network (The WIN), the company that produces my new online show “The Marital Intimacy Show.”

“The WIN” will be giving away great gifts to ALL website visitors during their Online Launch “12 Days of Giveaways” — December 1st – 12th, so get yourself to the home page after clicking here to stop by and watch the LIVE show from 8 a.m. – 8 p.m. Dec. 1st!

The WIN is an incredible new online resource for women (and men) worldwide. It is a community of women helping women — and has a mission to “Strengthen Women and Families Worldwide.”

On their website you’ll find hundreds of audio and video shows in addition to mine, presented by experts on a wide variety of topics, as well as quality articles, great social networking, and an online TV show (The WIN Show). (Click here to view my appearance on The WIN Show.)

The fun new “WIN Store” is also great place for people to shop, and even sell their products to the world.

Online Launch — 12-hour GIVE-A-THON

It gets better! The WIN has scheduled their Online Launch for Tuesday, Dec. 1st, 2009 with a live, 12-hour, in-studio GIVE-A-THON where ALL website visitors will receive great gifts. It’ll be 12 days of GIVEAWAYS!

Hundreds of fabulous gifts (cruises, make-overs, trips, books, etc.) will be given away Dec. 1st through the 12th, by the “Women of The WIN.” (You might even get a free copy of my book And They Were Not Ashamed–Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment.)

I encourage you to visit The WIN’s website, and click on the button “Sign In” or “Join Our Community” (it’s free!), so that you can enjoy all the many opportunities and benefits The WIN has to offer — especially during the Dec. 1st – 12th Online Launch.

I believe The Women’s Information Network (The WIN) is positioned to be the Premier Media and Social Network for Women. I thoroughly support their mission “To Strengthen Women and Families Worldwide.”

Join me at The WIN!

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Facebook — Let’s Connect!

Strengthening Marriage, Inc. — Become a fan!

“The Marital Intimacy Show” — Become a fan!

Subscribe to Laura’s Strengthening Marriage Blog

Subscribe to Blog Entries

Subscribe to Blog Comments

Subscribe to The Marital Intimacy Show

Receive Email Updates for Each Episode

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Laura M. Brotherson is the author of a groundbreaking book on sexual intimacy and marital oneness entitled, And They Were Not Ashamed—Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment. Laura shares her passion for building strong marriages and families as an author, intimacy expert, online show host, and relationship consultant.

Visit her website www.StrengtheningMarriage.com to learn more and to sign up for her “Straight Talk about Strengthening Marriage” newsletter. StrengtheningMarriage.com is your trusted resource for education, products and services to strengthen marriages . . . intimately!

© Copyright 2009 Laura M. Brotherson. All rights reserved.

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?????We have two new Facebook Pages to make it even easier for you to learn how to strengthen your marriage intimately! Become a fan of Strengthening Marriage, Inc. and “The Marital Intimacy Show.”

You’ll receive regular updates on new episodes of “The Marital Intimacy Show” as well as information and insights into how you can strengthen your marriage, and create a more passionate and intimately connected relationship — emotionally, spiritually and sexually!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Facebook — Let’s Connect!

Strengthening Marriage, Inc. — Become a fan!

“The Marital Intimacy Show” — Become a fan!

Subscribe to Laura’s Strengthening Marriage Blog

Subscribe to Blog Entries

Subscribe to Blog Comments

Subscribe to The Marital Intimacy Show

Receive Email Updates for Each Episode

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Laura M. Brotherson is the author of a groundbreaking book on sexual intimacy and marital oneness entitled, And They Were Not Ashamed—Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment. Laura shares her passion for building strong marriages and families as an author, intimacy expert, online show host, and relationship consultant.

Visit her website www.StrengtheningMarriage.com to learn more and to sign up for her “Straight Talk about Strengthening Marriage” newsletter. StrengtheningMarriage.com is your trusted resource for education, products and services to strengthen marriages . . . intimately!

© Copyright 2009 Laura M. Brotherson. All rights reserved.

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