Keeping the Passion Alive
February 6th, 2008 by Laura M. Brotherson
Keeping the passion alive in your marriage is closely connected to keeping the passion alive in your own life. Ryan found himself drawn to the adrenaline-like energy of an old friend, because that passion and aliveness was missing within his own soul. If he is not careful he will mistake the attraction for something other than a yearning to come alive within himself.
Nourishing our own aliveness is the best source of keeping the passion alive in our lives, and in our sexual relationship with our spouse. Energy is contagious and has the power to deaden or enliven those around us.
How enlivening it is to come home each day as an ever-growing person. How enticing to come home to a spouse who is new and different every single day. I often marvel at how much I learn and change while my husband is away at work. I wonder how he will ever catch up on my newness and the mysteries that lie within me, or how I will catch up on his. It’s a good thing we have forever to discover each other’s mysteries!With an ever-learning mindset, who could ever grow weary or bored of each other. If both husband and wife are continually learning and growing each day, and if we will look with new eyes, we will see and be enticed by the mysteries yet to uncover in each other.
Keep the passion alive by continually learning. Hunger and thirst for knowledge and wisdom. Grow yourself continually. Keep things fun and spontaneous now and then. Be interesting and interested. Find things that keep your juices flowing. Not self-medicating highs, but true doses of living energy and aliveness.
For me, following politics keeps me alive and on fire. Tackling the taboo subject of sex energizes me. Stirring people to change keeps changing me. Even motherhood keeps me off balance enough to keep me alert and attentive to my inner tremblings.
Dancing on my kids’ Wii game system dance pad makes me feel young, alive and vibrant. Liking who I am inside and out, weaknesses and all, helps me feel joy and peace. Add to all this a conscious habit of nourishing sexual thoughts and feelings (which is a must for many women) passion can be more permanently alive within. Passion in the differing dimensions of one’s life provides fuel for the passion within one’s bedroom.
Start looking for the pockets of energy around you. Invite aliveness into your life. Be around people who energize you. Grow yourself mentally, emotionally, socially, spiritually and sexually. Take a class. Read a book. Do something new. Do something hard. Do something scary. Embrace change and see the passion become more constant for you.
I recently volunteered to make campaign phone calls for a presidential candidate. I’m not usually a shy or easily frightened person. But having this little script to read to complete strangers who may not be terribly happy about me calling them was quite unnerving, to be honest. But the challenge and the associated fear was surprisingly energizing. I soon found that as I pushed through the fear, because of my dedication to a higher purpose, the fear left me until I didn’t want to stop.
Wracking my brain to sort out the political process and the conflicting principles is as mentally energizing as taking a class on psychological theories, or as physically demanding (for a non-dancer like myself) as trying to get the dance steps right on the Dance Revolution dance pad.
You know, even stillness and quiet and solitude can be as energizing and mind expanding as any mental or physical workout. What they all have in common is the ability to awaken your aliveness, which can fuel your intimate passion for your spouse when directed by your intention.
It’s the very things that frustrate us at times that can rejuvenate and awaken our senses, if we will let them. Personal aliveness is a more permanent source, than a new sexual technique, for keeping the passion alive in your marriage…and more specifically in your bedroom!
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Laura M. Brotherson is the author of a groundbreaking book on sexual intimacy and marital oneness entitled, And They Were Not Ashamed—Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment. Laura shares her passion for building strong marriages and families as an author, intimacy educator and relationship consultant.
Visit her website www.StrengtheningMarriage.com to learn more. Sign up today for her FREE “Straight Talk about Strengthening Marriage” newsletter. StrengtheningMarriage.com is your trusted resource for education, products and services to strengthen marriages intimately!
© Copyright 2008 Laura M. Brotherson. All rights reserved.
This entry was posted on Wednesday, February 6th, 2008 at 2:47 pm and is filed under Intimacy. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
I really like this concept, because it is something that I can do completely independent of my spouse. It is so easy to get in a routine where everything is nearly identical- we habitually eat the same foods, watch the same shows, go to bed and wake up at the same time every day (nearly), etc. Our lives are often very predictable. And perhaps to some degree that is good, but I think it does tend to dampen spontaneity, aliveness, energy, and passion.
I also like that you mention doing something difficult- challenging yourself. I think if we are always in our individual “comfort zone” our relationships too may become stagnant.
This is a good reminder, and I will have to come up with some ideas of things that I want to do to challenge myself and to create a little more passion in my life.
With the encouragement of my husband, I decided to undertake a huge goal that I thought that I could not tackle. I am learning new things everyday! I am changing. I am also starting to understand things like “business”, that my husband is really good at. I have seen a new dimension in him that has always been there, but because I “get it” now, my respect for him has grown tremendously!
I think that everytime I think that we have such a great marriage, I say to myself “it doesn’t get much better than this” and then it does. I am so thankful to a loving Heavenly Father who has given us the gift of intimacy to strengthen out marriage.
I can’t tell you how much this article has helped me. I have been in a rut ever since my daughter was born 18 months ago. I feel like my life isn’t going anywhere, as well as my marriage. I now know that I have to be the one to help myself change and grow. I finally feel hope again.. that I can have a fulfilling life and marriage. I can honestly say that this article is going to be a turning point for me, and is an answer to my never ending prayers.
Thank you Laura for writing these words. I know that you were inspired and I am so grateful you followed that inspiration.