Comments on: Men Need Foreplay Too http://strengtheningmarriage.com/blog/intimacy/men-need-foreplay-too/ Official Weblog of Author and Intimacy Educator Laura M. Brotherson Tue, 06 Jan 2009 23:22:15 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.2 By: JustMe http://strengtheningmarriage.com/blog/intimacy/men-need-foreplay-too/#comment-207 JustMe Mon, 25 Feb 2008 19:23:16 +0000 http://strengtheningmarriage.com/blog/intimacy/men-need-foreplay-too/#comment-207 moed: Thanks for your comment. On one hand, your experience is inspiring: you have taken the initiative to improve your life and your marriage. You have overcome obstacles. Instead of lamenting your condition and blaming others, you are taking responsibility and are changing your situation for the better. I love to hear of such stories. On the other hand, and this is my own issue, I feel unable to do what you have done. There are things I can do to improve our marriage, and I will continue trying to be a better spouse, but I am afraid that the intimacy that I dream of will remain just that- a dream. I sometimes wonder if my expectations are just too high, but I don't think that I'm unreasonable.... moed: Thanks for your comment. On one hand, your experience is inspiring: you have taken the initiative to improve your life and your marriage. You have overcome obstacles. Instead of lamenting your condition and blaming others, you are taking responsibility and are changing your situation for the better. I love to hear of such stories.

On the other hand, and this is my own issue, I feel unable to do what you have done. There are things I can do to improve our marriage, and I will continue trying to be a better spouse, but I am afraid that the intimacy that I dream of will remain just that- a dream. I sometimes wonder if my expectations are just too high, but I don’t think that I’m unreasonable….

]]> By: moed http://strengtheningmarriage.com/blog/intimacy/men-need-foreplay-too/#comment-189 moed Fri, 15 Feb 2008 18:21:22 +0000 http://strengtheningmarriage.com/blog/intimacy/men-need-foreplay-too/#comment-189 For years we sought help for our problems, depression was much of it but also lack of knowledge played into the challenges. Thru counseling, prayer, fasting, temple attendance commitment to marriage, faith and countless tears we are coming forth with an intact loving marriage. The one thing I wanted to share from the above article concerning foreplay has to do with what anti-depressants do to someone's libido. Not taking the medication is not an option for some...but every marriage where physically possible, needs physical intimacy. Because of my husbands medication his libido was severely lacking. It took time for me to realize that "if it was to be it was up to me"! The world made me believe that my husband should want to instigate lovemaking. The truth was the medication was going to keep that from being reality. I could find nothing on the subject...what to do when one of the marriage partners has little desire due to medication. I needed to wrap my mind and heart around the fact that it was up to me, that it was OK for me to instigate lovemaking. Once he got aroused it was beautiful and fulfilling for both of us. Since our love life is much more fulfilling for both of us, I'm beginning to notice that he is in the mood more often because it has enriched our life together. I have learned that it's good, healthy and normal for me the wife to want to make love and to instigate it. My husband loves me for my efforts. We have to shed our minds and hearts of those things that keep us from having a mutually satisfying intimate relationship with our spouse. Sometimes we can't find the answers but we have to be prayerful and willing to step out of our comfort zone and do those things that will enhance in a positive and uplifting way our marriage. I must confess that one of the difficult things I had to accept was my extra weight that I was carrying on my body made it difficult for my husband to want to have sex. This made me mad because I wanted him to love me enough that although it would be nice if I weighed less that it should not make or break our sexual intimacy...thru prayer and great humility I had to accept the fact that if I wanted to enhance our sex life I needed to swallow my pride and do something about my efforts with my body. Men more visual than women. With my spouse on medication his need for me to arouse him in healthy, loving ways was even more important. I started exercising at an increased level and eating less and have lost 19 pounds. Not only has this given me an increased confidence in myself and how I feel about my body, but also I'm more comfortable being vulnerable with my spouse and instigating lovemaking. He in turn appreciates my efforts for "us". With my increased sense of my sexuality because of feeling healthier it has changed our marriage. I must say that he also thru exercise and healthier eating has lost 20 lbs, although he had far less to lose than me. I have 30-40lbs to go, but my sincere efforts to work at it have been worth everything! We want our spouses to love us and accept us as we are!! But when I really pondered it in my heart I had to admit to my self that if my husband were as over weight as I was that I would be very unhappy with him. It was difficult to admit that I was wrong...yes, we should love each other unconditionally but we have an obligation to be the best we can be. We are stewards over our selves and our marriage and must be willing to make changes were necessary. For years we sought help for our problems, depression was much of it but also lack of knowledge played into the challenges. Thru counseling, prayer, fasting, temple attendance commitment to marriage, faith and countless tears we are coming forth with an intact loving marriage. The one thing I wanted to share from the above article concerning foreplay has to do with what anti-depressants do to someone’s libido. Not taking the medication is not an option for some…but every marriage where physically possible, needs physical intimacy. Because of my husbands medication his libido was severely lacking. It took time for me to realize that “if it was to be it was up to me”! The world made me believe that my husband should want to instigate lovemaking. The truth was the medication was going to keep that from being reality. I could find nothing on the subject…what to do when one of the marriage partners has little desire due to medication. I needed to wrap my mind and heart around the fact that it was up to me, that it was OK for me to instigate lovemaking. Once he got aroused it was beautiful and fulfilling for both of us. Since our love life is much more fulfilling for both of us, I’m beginning to notice that he is in the mood more often because it has enriched our life together. I have learned that it’s good, healthy and normal for me the wife to want to make love and to instigate it. My husband loves me for my efforts. We have to shed our minds and hearts of those things that keep us from having a mutually satisfying intimate relationship with our spouse. Sometimes we can’t find the answers but we have to be prayerful and willing to step out of our comfort zone and do those things that will enhance in a positive and uplifting way our marriage.

I must confess that one of the difficult things I had to accept was my extra weight that I was carrying on my body made it difficult for my husband to want to have sex. This made me mad because I wanted him to love me enough that although it would be nice if I weighed less that it should not make or break our sexual intimacy…thru prayer and great humility I had to accept the fact that if I wanted to enhance our sex life I needed to swallow my pride and do something about my efforts with my body. Men more visual than women. With my spouse on medication his need for me to arouse him in healthy, loving ways was even more important. I started exercising at an increased level and eating less and have lost 19 pounds. Not only has this given me an increased confidence in myself and how I feel about my body, but also I’m more comfortable being vulnerable with my spouse and instigating lovemaking. He in turn appreciates my efforts for “us”. With my increased sense of my sexuality because of feeling healthier it has changed our marriage. I must say that he also thru exercise and healthier eating has lost 20 lbs, although he had far less to lose than me. I have 30-40lbs to go, but my sincere efforts to work at it have been worth everything! We want our spouses to love us and accept us as we are!! But when I really pondered it in my heart I had to admit to my self that if my husband were as over weight as I was that I would be very unhappy with him. It was difficult to admit that I was wrong…yes, we should love each other unconditionally but we have an obligation to be the best we can be. We are stewards over our selves and our marriage and must be willing to make changes were necessary.

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