Hi Laurena,

Thanks for your comment here and the others too.

I’m guessing you’re asking about the conclusion regarding my assessment that sexual incompatibility is inevitable in marriage. Unfortunately our research on the sexual relationship in marriage is not sufficiently thorough to come close to confirming or disconfirming this notion.

As I said in the original post:

“God designed husbands and wives with sexual ‘incompatibility’…. Sexual compatibility is a learned behavior…NOT something you can “test” for (or figure out before marriage). It is the opportunity and responsibility of husbands and wives to learn and grow together sexually, and in all other dimensions as well, throughout the adventure of marriage.”

The truth is that sexual desire is a bit of a moving target for women especially cuz it is based on so many factors–the quality of the relationship, the emotional connection and kindness shared and many other things. So even if a couple were “sexually compatible” before it can change based on current life and relationship circumstances. I hope this answers your question somewhat!

Unfortunately, way to many American women feel and are taught by their mothers, that men are put on this earth to serve them. I know that marriage is not 50/50, but way to many women feel that marriage is 10/90 with the man to serve them.

Women do not understand or know how this can ruin your like from lack of intimacy, closeness, and love. I would not have gotten married just to have a roommate.

Waiting for God to take me at 56, worn out from being alone in a marriage. I will not cheat or divorce, but become deeper involved in religious like. Other men have state the difference between them and a priest is only the collar. I feel the same way.

Little to look forward to in retirement, except a quick death.

After years of frustration because I never felt like I was getting enough attention, ie; “you look pretty”, any looks of desire or enough efforts to initiate sex or even have a date or any tomance. My confidence just disappeared. I finally decided it would be better to have “sex” than nothing at all. So I played strong like it didn’t bother me (It was killing me) and told him I just wanted to skip the foreplay and just take care of him and have intercourse. This is the dead opposite of what I really needed and wanted. But I figured if I am never going to get it, then I’ll accept it. And at least he won’t feel pressured to do what he so obviously doesn’t feel or can’t do. At least I could control something. This has worked OK for a few years, but now not so much. Now I don’t even have sex as much as I would like. I feel so empty and unwanted. But after prior years of trying to explain over and over what I wanted, It was clear he just did not got it and it only made him defensive. I’d suggest confidently taking your wife out for an evening obviously planned just for her. Expect her to “clam up” it’s just fear that you might actually be doing what she really wants. Tell her she is beautiful and desirable and how she makes you feel and that you love her. Good luck! If that fails, go to a marriage “weekend to remember” retreat.