Hi Xenon,

In reply to your August 19th comment — I’m a big fan of 12-step programs as I believe they help someone get to the spiritual angle of our mortal weaknesses. I certainly think a 12-step program could be helpful to any struggle we might have, but I almost wonder if there would need to be a dedicated 12-step program for sexual inhibition issues such as the Good Girl Syndrome (GGS). (I’m trying to imagine how it would work for someone to attend an Overeater’s Anonymous meeting, for instance, with GGS issues?)

I think people can overcome the GGS in the same ways they do any other mental reprogramming (cognitive restructuring). Challenging negative and unproductive beliefs can be done verbally through therapy or I encourage people to get a notebook and start identifying the beliefs and replacing them with positive and more productive beliefs.

Your reference to thebyuboard is not one that I would necessarily recommend. You have students with very little experience in Church leadership/background giving opinions about something that is not easily addressed by quoting obscure letters, which are not intended to be doctrine.

If the Brethren were truly concerned enough about the issue of oral sex, don’t you think that it would be an issue that they would continue to preach about? I.e. pornography? Either it is an abomination, or it is not. Other than that, it is left up to the couple to decide.

For what it is worth, Brother Brinley has a strong opinion about oral sex – he has hung his hat on the those letters and tried to pass them off as doctrine. In his book, Between Husband and Wife, the first printings had a reference in the index to oral sex. When you turned to the page mentioned in the index it went to the Chapter on Drawing The Line (or unholy practices), but never mentioned oral sex! Now, if you look at current printings of the book, you will not find any references in the index to oral sex. Why is that?

I have heard of Stake Presidents who preached to their Stakes that oral sex was a sin, only to come back to their Stake a few weeks later and withdraw their comments – telling them that they were out of line with their comments.

Furthermore, some of the advice given in some of those letters talks about “if your are uncomfortable enough to ask about a practice then it would be wise to discontinue the practice (paraphrased)”. As Laura, or other professional counselors will tell you, this can cause more problems rather than helping. That is what the whole GGS is about – people who have unhealthy guilt trips, largely due to prior experiences and teachings. Suppose someone were taught by their parents, or a leader, that the missionary position is the only acceptable position for sex? Any other position that their spouse wanted to try would be considered wrong and would cause problems within the marriage bed. By telling this person that because they are troubled with the question of having sex in something other than the missionary position, then they should probably not try them, would be wrong. It would just validate their own wrong conditioning and create more of a wedge in their relationship.

As for the problems with orgasm, I suggest becoming more familiar with your body and your orgasm with your husband. Laura’s book has some great suggestions, and a trip to spencers gifts in most malls can also procure “marital aids” aka a vibrator. I would suggest trying them with your husband, if he’s open to it, and trying to achieve orgasm on a regular basis.

Has anyone else had any experiences like this that they have been able to overcome?

The Church gives guidelines but will not specifically tell everyone what is right or wrong. Some of the guidelines in this case are that intimacy between husband and wife is good and is an important part of the relationship, and that interactions between spouses should be uplifting and edifying.

With those general guidelines, the decision to participate in oral sex is completely between you and your wife. If you and your wife both agree that this practice strengthens your love and does not detract from your relationship, I believe it is acceptable. If either of you are concerned about it, you should refrain. Neither spouse should ever coerce or force the other to do anything that they do not want to do.

You can read other interesting comments at this link, and the internet is full of debate about this….

http://theboard.byu.edu/?area=viewall&id=6853

Recently I have sought for some informations about the matter and found something the first presidency taught some time ago:

“The First Presidency has interpreted oral sex as constituting an unnatural, impure, or unholy practice. If a person is engaged in a practice which troubles him enough to ask about it, he should discontinue it.”

- Official Declaration of the First Presidency of the Church, January 5th, 1982

I heard that it was unvalidated 9 months later. I would like to know if you can help me to have correct information about it. If you don’t feel like providing answers on this blog, please, email me: caehevanras@yahoo.com.br

Thanks a lot.

http://www.themarriagemanager.com

I appreciate you making the effort to look up “Chaste” in older dictionaries. I get really frustrated over lack of information at times and it helps when I put in the indepth study to learn meanings. As frustrating as it is at times, I believe that is the way the Lord intended it to be, so we will stretch and learn.