The comment is: I enjoy wearing a men’s speedo style swimming suit over a traditional trunk style because of the improved support, less chaffing/rubbing, quicker drying - therefore less cold and fewer rashes, and less drag of water and entrapment of air.

The question is: are men’s brief/speedo style swimming suits inmodest?, if they are inmodest, are women’s swimming suits that are next to their genitial also inmodest? Does our culture have a double standard? And, if women are not “visual” why would a men’s brief/speedo style swim suit matter?

My wife is not sexually attracted by anything I wear.

“Making peace with one’s self and building a relationship with God are the keys to developing healthy self-confidence.”

This is consistent with the theory I’ve been developing about my marriage as well.

I only wish I knew what I could do to help my wife’s emotional and spiritual struggles which seem insurmountable…

Dear Michael,

I appreciate your comments. Just to be clear, part of what I was trying to do in the article was to identify why some girls dress immodestly. I think people don’t think about what an easy temptation it is to succumb to it. I definitely agree with you that dressing modestly is part of what builds self-esteem, especially when it totally goes against societal norms and often takes a lot of thought and effort to do so. Self-confidence is built upon righteousness and a personal relationship with God. It’s especially powerful when we do things that are difficult, but right. This is how we develop greater confidence in one’s self and in God.

One of the best things I can do to discourage people from dressing inappropriately in public is to educate them on what it reveals about them, and encourage them to work on their feelings of self-worth rather than merely being another of many voices telling them to stop it. It would be similar to telling a hungry child to stop eating the cookies on the table.

I do hope women and their daughters will think more about what they are wearing and the difficult situation in which they may be unknowingly putting men who unwittingly have to then deal with the consequences of their behavior.

There seems to be so much emphasis on keeping yourself pure before marriage and not as much emphasis on enjoying your sexual relationship with your spouse after marriage. I hope your book and website will help to change this.

Your book is excellent and my wife and I both appreciate it very much. I’m a little confused with the article - “Which is harder for a woman, dressing revealingly in public or in front of her husband?” While not overtly encouraging dressing revealingly in public, the article doesn’t seem to do much to discourage it, either. You’re right that good self-esteem is the foundation of a great sexual relationship with one’s spouse. Isn’t that enhanced by dressing modestly in front of everyone but one’s spouse?

I think the root of the issue is that when women don’t feel good about themselves, or they feel that something is lacking in themselves or their lives, then the temptation to get the inevitable attention of the male species by dressing immodestly is too much to resist. It’s an immediate “fix” for one’s feelings of being “less than.” This is why, in my opinion, any attempts to “make” girls be modest that don’t address how they feel about themselves will be ineffective. It’s pretty fun for a girl to be looked at longingly by a man. Men have a hard time helping themselves to not “notice.” So the attention received by dressing revealingly is practically guaranteed. It’s really a vicious cycle.

I’m appalled at the general, casual way females display themselves on You Tube and My Space by themselves. Women used to be the paradigm of virtue and they held the moral high ground. Today a shift has taken place. Look what has happened to Britney Spears and Hannah Montana for example. Both started out as role models for girls and ended up succumbing to sexual pressure to be naughty, provocative and tantalizing.

I’m surprised the females in our society haven’t become morally outraged by the way their gender is being characterized. Women have always been looked to for the moral high ground and the taming influenced in our society. But today, few women speak out on the way they are currently being portrayed, be it cheerleaders, movie stars, etc. Young girls seem to think they’re role and expectation is to be sexually revealing and appealing. Why?

There’s something wrong with what is going on. On a personal level,I feel very uncomfortable, even in church, when I greet or speak to many females. They leave very little to the imagination when you see how revealing they are in their dress, particularly their low neck lines.

I don’t think male church leaders can fully speak to the issue - it will take the women leaders. There’s an attitude in society that goes something like this: “No man is going to tell me how to dress.”