Hi Depreciated,

New posters’ first comment must be approved, and then their comments thereafter will post automatically. I hope this answers your question. If other posts of yours haven’t posted let me know or you can also just try reposting them.

p.s. Hey Depreciated, in going through some things on the blog I just found your original comment waiting in the moderation queue. For some reason it never came through to me as an email to approve, which is how I usually see the comments. Sorry about that. Looks like you should be good to go now though. : )

I am truly happy for you men and kudos to you wives who “get it”.

Thanks for listening

When it has been a long time or we have only had pity sex, I find that I am naturally more disposed to negatively react to criticism. It is like it takes an order of magnitude more effort to try and that such comments in a positive way.

I really wish that a “Freaky Friday” event could happen between me and my wife. I think if we could spend some time in our spouses frame of mind for a few days, we really understand each other better. As much as I would like for her to understand where I am coming from, I want to know and understand what she really feels and thinks – as well as how she views me. All we have are words to try and figure out this stuff and those are shared too infrequently.

I love my husband. He is my soulmate in every way. WE have a large family and sometimes sex has been drudgery for me and inconvenient at times. We really have to carve out “together time” It has been my quest to try to understand what sex means to him and how he needs it for all the various reasons. That alone, has made such a difference in our marriage. It means alot to him that it is important to me. In that quest came understanding of myself. That woman are very sexual beings as well and we also need it to be whole. I feel I have become so intune to his needs that I literally cannot fall asleep at night if I sense, even slightly, that he needs me. (I have tried a few times-it doesn’t work-he can’t fall asleep either : )) I guess that means we have broken through to a new level. It is a wonderful place to be. We are one truely in everyway. This is how God designed sexual oneness to be. It is heavenly and was meant to be like this.

My heart goes out to the husbands who struggle in this area and to the wives who don’t catch the vision.

Sexual intimacy is probably a little different for everyone, but I suppose a lot of men feel the same as the men mentioned above and to myself.

I have tried to communicate to my wife that for me sexual intimacy is tied closely with emotional and spiritual intimacy and when we make love I feel I am giving all that I am and ever want to be for her — I am giving all of ME INTO HER. It is sacred, symbolic and also actual/real.

And, when my wife genuinely wants to make love to me and for me to make love to her I never feel more needed, accepted, appreciated, wanted, alive — I exist for this love; this love is the purpose and meaning of life and all creation.

I believe every man and woman desires and needs this love, this total acceptance, this total giving, this total receiving with your spouse. The object of our existence is to become one with our spouse and Diety; there is no greater happiness, joy, and peace.

I sincerely hope that all husbands and all wives can better understand and value and appreciate each other in all areas and seek to love more fully.

Not only do many women not understand what sex means to a man, (and visa versa), I think that many women don’t understand just how much rejection hurts. I think that generally speaking, whatever can make the “highs” the highest in your life, is also the thing that can make the “lows” the lowest.

So, the man above describes how everything becomes more intense – the smells stronger, the sky bluer, the love deeper. Well, unfortunately, I think the opposite also occurs – the despair is deeper, the night darker, the pain more intense.

I know that when I feel it building in me, and the senses get more intense, that when rejected, I really hurts … perhaps because it is so opposite from what it could be. I sit alone in dark and my brain says it’s not a big deal, that she still loves me, etc. But that doesn’t really help my heart.

My wonderful wife I think finally got that in the last year or so. Things are much better now. She at least accepts, if not understands, the power of sex for me. The rejections are fewer and farther between, and much easier to accept. I doubt it means the same to her that it does to me, or that it ever will, BUT, she has come to terms with it and learned to accept it as part of me. Most of the things I think she likes about me “outside the bedroom” are tied closely to what I want from her “in the bedroom”.

I second Laura’s suggestion to write a letter. I writing one now … Two years ago, we wrote many letters, when things were really bad. I started writing one two days ago (she’s gone for a week) that is on the other side now that things are much better. It’s a thank you letter for all the wonderful things she has done for me in the sexual area over the last 6 months or so. A thank you for the fulfilled fantasies and what they mean to me. A Thank you for the new “sexual playfullness” she has cultivated in the last little while. A thank you that is a deep and positive as the letter two years ago were dark and negative.