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We welcome your comments about our books and CDs, this website, our newsletters, and author events, etc. If you would like to post a question for feedback or discussion, please post it on our "Open Forum Discussions" page at "Laura's Strengthening Marriage Blog."
Thank you for taking a positive approach to intimacy. Our family had dealt with pornography addictions. Needless to say, I had a lot of misconceptions about intimacy. I had seen a lot of pain. Through some emotional healing and counseling, I have personally found what a gift intimacy can be. It can bind us as couples, it can be healing, and it is a wonderful gift! I think our youth also need to hear the positive aspects too. Strong marriages, strong families, etc. Thank you for taking a positive and respectful approach. It is something we need to hear. My marriage is stronger because I make intimacy a priority. Thank you.
Subject:
The Impact of a lack of intimacy
Date:
April 28 2010
Comments:
I just read your brief article about intimacy and its importance within a marriage. This article appeared in the Meridian Magazine newsletter that I get daily. Permit me to share some insights.
First, I have been married twice. The first marriage ended in a divorce after 9 years of marriage. The bottomline was that my first wife decided she no longer wanted to be married and no longer wanted to be LDS. It was a painful period.
My second marriage has gone now for 19 years. My second wife is a much better person than my first wife in so many ways I cannot count. However, both have a similar problem
My first wife used sexual relations--intimacy--as a tool and a weapon. If I met her conditions we could have intimacy. If I did not, and her conditions changed frequently, we did not. It was miserable. But, knowing that gospel doctrine frowns on divorce, and having children I was concerned about I stuck it out. Eventually, she filed for divorce and things went from bad to very much worse.
My second wife is, in most areas, the absolute antithesis of my first wife. She has a strong vibrant testimony. (She is a returned missionary I might add, so if any young unmarried man is reading this don't overlook returned sister missionaries as marriage prospects!) She has stuck it out through thick and thin and there has been a lot of thin. However, outside of the first year of our marriage physical intimacy has become something she seems to work to avoid. I have tried talking to her about this and things go no where. I have read a lot of articles about this and have found no help. I have pleaded with her to discuss this with her doctor. She will not. In the end, because this has caused such friction between us and marred an otherwise wonderful relationship, I have resorted to self-suppression. Yes, I suppress my sexual urges almost 100% of the time. It is not easy, but it avoids the other problems. Doing this has had its consequences. I am resentful of what she has imposed on me and on us. I feel robbed of what we could have had. I suffer from depression and am impotent--at least when conscious and awake. I have discussed my problem with my doctor and although he feels a prescription could help with my physical impotence he points out that doing so would be pointless if my wife does not want physical intimacy. Mind you she wants the hugs, the kisses, the holding her close, but would really prefer that things not go any further. My doctor also suggests that my impotence is strongly affected by wife's attitude and my self-suppression.
What can a loving husband do if his wife has zero interest in physical intimacy and does not experience sexual arousal nor seems to want to? I am 54 and she is 48 so we are not yet old geezers but time is running out to fix this problem.
Date:
April 28 2010
Comments:
I too just read your article in the Meridian Magazine. I agree about how important intimacy is for a married couple but what about for someone who is single and a good member of the church?? Where is there outlet? And for the woman who has a husband that doesn't like sex? What is there solution??? How can you make a man be more interested in sex when they have no interest???
Date:
April 28 2010
Name:
RachelleM
Comments:
I realize that I did not give you my e-mail on my last comment.
Subject:
Lack of Passion in a Marriage
Date:
April 28 2010
Name:
RachelleM
Comments:
I just read your article in the Meridian Magazine online. I have one problem and it is that all you say is true, but it is my husband who is cold. Even when I tried to explain to him that it hurt me his lack of attention, he brushes it off. We haven't been intimate since December 2009. He does not think it is important, and like the wife in the article, he tries to be the good husband to compensate, but I do not feel like I have his heart. I am contemplating leaving when the children are out of the house. He refuses to get help either. What should I do?
Subject:
Free of my Good Girl prison
Date:
April 8 2010
Comments:
I can't believe how far I've come in changing my feelings about sex. I cannot imagine being where I used to be. I will be forever grateful for Laura and her book for opening the windows in my mind, and helping me break free of the the darkness and despair of my Good Girl Prison! It has been so long since I thought that way, that it seems foreign to me. That is a miracle, because for the first few years, it was all I could do to keep holding on to what I had learned and not run back at the least sign of clouds on the horizon. Thank you again.
Subject:
Podcast feedback
Date:
April 3 2010
Name:
Leah
Comments:
I wanted to tell you how much I have been enjoying listening to your podcasts online. They are really great! You are so fun. I never really thought I would be someone who needed "help." But I am learning so much and I've been able to relate to my husband a lot better and just as importantly...been able to help him relate to me better. I can't imagine all the women and couples you are helping. Thank you.
Subject:
Reply to Enid--Where to comment on MIS episodes
Date:
March 14 2010
Name:
Laura M. Brotherson
Comments:
Hi Enid--Thank you for sharing your story. I'm so glad "The Marital Intimacy Show" (MIS) has been helpful. I'm sorry it was so difficult to find the place to comment on the show. This Comments Page is primarily for comments about our book "And They Were Not Ashamed--Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillent" and our StrengtheningMarriage.com website here. On the home page of www.TheMaritalIntimacyShow.com at the bottom of the list of episodes there are a bunch of comments and a link that says "Add new comment" that is probably the best place to post your comments about the show. If you are on Facebook you can also post anything there on our "The Marital Intimacy Show" Facebook page: www.facebook.com/MaritalIntimacyShow. I hope this is helpful to you. I'll see if we can do anything more to make it easier for listeners to know where to comment. Thanks for letting us know! I wish you well in your marriage! God can help you carry any difficulty you may have!
Subject:
What sex means to a man.
Date:
March 11 2010
Name:
Enid
Comments:
In listening to your show, I realized that I too was feeling all the things you were describing although I am a woman. I guess not any of us male or female may be in this predicament in life, if the conditions are right. I have been married for almost 29 years. This is my second marriage. I had two children from my first marriage which he adopted. At first my husband was very attentive and caring to all of us. Three years into our marriage he was sent out of town to school for six months to learn a new skill with the military. He visited the children and I a few times. When we all got back together I felt like they had sucked out his brain, and sent someone else in his place. He was so consumed by his new computer skills that he had no time for any of us. The children felt like they had lost their father, and I felt like I had lost my husband. Oh he was there physically, but mentally he was gone. It got to the point that I was considering divorcing him. The pain of loosing my husband was so horrible I didn't want to live like that. We were just ships crossing in the night. All I could do was cry missing the relationship we once had. I even asked him if he had been unfaithful? He assured me that was not the case, and the hurt on his face at the question made me realize that I was allowing the enemy to torment me. As God would have it. When I had given up on our marriage, and I was ready to call it quits. I became pregnant with our last child. His only biological son. I felt angry with God at the thought that after we had tried for so long to have this baby. When I gave up on having him was when God saw fit to bless me with this child. The one I had gotten a tubal reversal to have. My miracle baby. Whose chances of being born were six million to one. I literally had to pray for God to give me His love for my husband. I had been so hurt by his attitude that I no longer felt love for him. Needless to say be careful what you pray for. God gave me a love for this man that I will never get over. I do love him unconditionally, but my heart still breaks, because of his actions. I used to ask him to make love to me, and then I resented the control he had over me knowing that he had no desire on his own, or at least he didn't show any. Oh he seemed to enjoy making love, but I felt like I was forcing him to be with me. Afterwards I would feel like a whore asking for a man to make love to her. I would feel disgusted with myself for reaching out to this man that shared my bed, but made me feel like making love was a chore he would rather do without. It got to the point that I finally decided that making love that way was just to painful to even tolerate anymore. I stopped asking hoping that I would be missed, but that has not happened. Your advice to women to keep away from male friendships is so right on. I have been afraid of having any male friends for fear of giving into temptation. As I heard you say that making love is a decision. I understood that not allowing the lack of it to break up a marriage can also be a decision we can accept. I may not be happy with it, but I can accept it. I used to say to myself this is my cross to bear. Even though I accepted it I did so with resentment and anger toward myself for not leaving. Listening to you has made me feel I have been wrong. I know only God can help me take back the years that the enemy has stolen from me. I don't know how that will be, but I know that God never intended for us to have a sexless marriage. If He had he would not have given me such a strong desire for my husband. The thought of not being with him is more painful than staying with him. Please understand he has been a good husband in every other way. If it were not for the lack of intimacy. I would be a happy woman. For now I am a woman on the way to recovery. Trusting God every step of the way. Knowing He does not give us a desire He is not willing to grant. I am just sorry I had never heard the council you have given me before now. Though I know that I probably was not ready to hear it before now. Thank you for the work you do, and realize that your words are a balm to the broken hearted like me. Sincerely Enid --- P.S. I could understand what the lady that said she was having trouble finding this part of your sight was talking about. I am not computer savvy. Finding this part of your sight was only possible because I went into one of the comment sections and clicked on the link you had there. I had spent over ten minutes trying to find the sight I had seen yesterday to no avail. I literally had to pray that God would help me get to this place to tell my story. I hope there is some way to correct this situation. Thank you.
Subject:
Sex
Date:
March 4 2010
Name:
OnZoloft
Comments:
What if you just don't want to have sex? I don't feel like it, when I think about making love I decide that there are more exciting, pressing things to do like school work. What is wrong with me, I am only 27 years old!
Subject:
Laura's response to Jen--"Variety adds Vitality"
Date:
March 3 2010
Name:
Laura M. Brotherson
Comments:
Hi Jen--Your question about adding music to lovemaking is the kind of thing you could post on the "Open Forum" page on our Blog, but I have also addressed the topic of "Mood Music" in the latest episode #023 of "The Marital Intimacy Show" weekly podcast. You can find it here: www.TheMaritalIntimacyShow.com. I hope it provides some helpful insights to you and anyone who would like to add some spark to their intimate moments!
Subject:
Whoopee Wednesday
Date:
February 25 2010
Comments:
I just had to tell you something fun! My husband has Wednesday's off work, so we call it "Whoopee Wednesday." The other day things were different...in a real good way! I asked him what the deal was and he said he'd been reading your website and such. I happily told him to keep it up. Thanks for your work in providing intimate insights for our marriage!
Subject:
Variety adds Vitality
Date:
February 19 2010
Name:
Jen
Comments:
Laura,
I've been reading AND THEY WERE NOT ASHAMED and the section that mentions adding music while making love really intrigued me. My husband and I are newly-weds and have very much benefitted from what we've learned so far. I'm not sure if other girls have had this same issue but I've stayed away from most music because I don't like to wade through the muck. I think it'd be fun to add music but I don't imagine the Mormon Tabernacle Choir or Hilary Weeks would be very romantic. Any suggestions for where to look? Thank-you so much!
Subject:
Thanks for changing our lives
Date:
February 17 2010
Comments:
My wife and I have read your book twice now,"And They Were Not Ashamed." We have been working together now for about 8 months trying to improve our marriage. You and your book have helped us work through several problems that had kept us in a parallel marriage for 26 years. We are now happier than we have ever been together and feel closer and more unified than I even thought possible. Thank you for your work and your straight forward clear approach to sexual matters. You have truly changed our lives.
Subject:
In reply to Bill Bonner "Valentine's Day Celebrations"
Date:
February 15 2010
Name:
Laura M. Brotherson
Comments:
Hello Bill Bonner--What an amazing coincidence that we both chose the same place to spend our Valentine's date with our spouses. That was my husband and me at that hotel restaurant. My husband thought it was incredibly curious that someone would come up to us and ask us if we were the "Brothers." I replied that we were the "Brothersons." We did have a wonderful romantic getaway for the evening and hope you and your wife did as well. Thanks for coming up to say hi! Laura
