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We welcome your comments about our books and CDs, this website, our newsletters, and author events, etc. If you would like to post a question for feedback or discussion, please post it on our "Open Forum Discussions" page at "Laura's Strengthening Marriage Blog."
Laura, I just read your Meridian Magazine article "Cultivating Intimate Desire for Your Spouse" and just have to tell you how happy I am to see that these kinds of delicate issues are now being talked about openly. I know my son and his wife bought your book last year before they married and it helped them tremendously to get ready for their future after being taught (and rightly so) about "forbidden fruit". How I wish this existed 25 years ago when I could have used it. I loved my husband dearly but just couldn't do much about it. We were a military family with no access to the kind of help we needed. Eventually we had more serious problems in our marriage. He struggled with his feelings while I struggled with mine, with no real help from anyone.
Well, to make a long story short, we ultimately overcame some of the problems but our intimate relationship never really resolved and I know he still struggled. Nonetheless we had many children to consider. Ten years ago, things finally seemed to be changing for me. Although we'd always been content together, we were now happier in our relationship. Things in our marriage seemed to fall into place better for me, especially. I loved him, all his really great qualities; began to desire him like before the kids came. I realized the shortcomings we'd had all along and resolved to put him first before the kids with my time. I looked forward each and every day to see the car coming home at supper time. However, by now, snoring was an issue and I seldom slept in the same room because of it--we both needed sleep! On our way out of town one night I recall telling myself when we got back I was going to find money to rent a nice hotel room for us for Valentine's Day. It was time to do something just for him. And me. I realized I was really in love with my husband.
Well, that never happened. He died in a car accident on the way home from that trip. I was driving and fell asleep at the wheel. In the quiet times the regrets creep in, the "why didn't I do something sooner?" "how could it have been better if we'd just had some help?" The kind of subjects you address were just taboo during most of the time we were married. That was what I'd learned. My husband was unselfish to a fault, always more concerned with my comfort than his own. I can't tell you how I miss him.
My life goes on but I'm deeply in love with a ghost. Impress on your readers, don't delay in strengthening their marriages. Fix what is wrong NOW. I loved my husband more than my next breath but there's no way to tell him now in any way that is satisfying and reassuring. Thank you for your article. You can save lives and marriages, and I'm so happy that the church seems to be addressing these issues now. I just wish they'd done so sooner.
Subject:
Thanks for your inspired writings
Date:
October 4 2005
Name:
T
Comments:
Laura, I thank you once again for your inspired writings and for helping so many find out how to build and strengthen their marriages. My husband and I have had a really good marriage over the years and people often make
comments about us having something special. We have couples who have sought us out for a while now who want advice on what it takes to have a strong marriage. So I know we have managed, thanks to the Lord, to be able to build a strong marriage, but you are giving us more tools and helps and education to help us to strengthen and build on what we already have. I can see how a Celestial marriage is not such an unattainable goal. It is very real and I am realizing it can be realized while on this earth! God bless you and your family as you continue to bless the lives of others.
Subject:
Amazing work!
Date:
October 4 2005
Name:
Linda Eyre, valuesparenting.com
Comments:
We finished reading your book, and never cease to be amazed at your work and attention to detail! The information is so important for so many couples who are struggling with their relationship and trying to figure out how to be ONE. You are a very wise and gifted woman. All the best!
Subject:
Keep up the great work!
Date:
October 4 2005
Name:
Doug and Kristen
Comments:
Laura, It was nice to meet you at your booksigning at the BYU Bookstore during Education Week. When the Ed. Week class schedule came in the mail this time I was sure you would be a presenter, but no such luck! We decided to bring a radio and listen to your Thursday radio broadcast as one of our classes for the day. We found a shady place on campus to sit and share a set of earphones while we listened. Maybe you'll go from an audience of two this year to filling the Marriott Center next year! We also appreciate your book and the powerfully positive way you present this very important aspect of marriage. Keep up the great work!
Subject:
So grateful to have your book to recommend!
Date:
October 4 2005
Comments:
I wanted to share with you an experience I had. My husband and I are serving in a student ward. Recently, I was talking with a young woman I have known for a number of years. She has been dating a young man for some time now and is terrified of making a commitment to get married because she has seen so many LDS couples get divorced after being married in the temple. The ones she knows have served missions and come from very active LDS families and had done things "right", but could not figure out how to make their marriages work. She was terrified of the marriage commitment and understandably so.
I felt really prompted to tell her about your book, reassuring her that there is no need to worry about divorce if you learn the skills that build celestial marriages. We talked a little while about it and I could tell she was a little embarrassed with the physical intimacy mentioned in your book. I tried to help her realize, this is a very serious matter and not one to be embarrassed about. I told her again that there would be almost no divorce if people would learn and practice the skills taught in your book. I suggested she read it first and if she is not comfortable reading the sexual intimacy content yet (letting her know it was very appropriate), she could read the other sections, and when she gets married she could read the rest with her husband. I strongly encouraged her to follow the Spirit with what to read now and with what to share with her soon-to-be fiance.
I am so grateful to have your book to recommend to her. How sad it is that so many people do not have the knowledge and skills necessary to create a happy and fulfilling marriage. Thank you for your book.
Subject:
Best Book on this subject
Date:
October 4 2005
Name:
Dave
Comments:
This is the Best Book on this subject.
My wife and I have read many similiar books but this one seemed the most complete. We would highly recommend it, regardless of how well you feel this aspect of marriage is going for you.
Subject:
Your book has changed our relationship.
Date:
October 4 2005
Name:
J. Dean
Comments:
My husband and I just came back from an overnight get away for our 29th anniversary. That may not sound like a big deal, but for me it was one of the best nights of my life because it was the FIRST time we have ever done anything on our anniversary! We have been reading your book and attended your classes in Rexburg. Since that time things have improved a little each week. He is really trying and I am working to respond. Your book has changed our relationship.
My husband comes from a background where love was not shown as it should have been, not to mention romance, dating, etc. He has always worked to be above that, but it is hard to do what you have never seen! I am a life coach and have felt like a failure not having the relationship I should have, knowing what I know. Thanks for the mirror your book held up for us both to see so we could begin to talk and improve. It's great! Thanks.
Subject:
First book that tackles problems without skirting around the issues.
Date:
October 4 2005
Name:
J. Smart
Comments:
This book contains very good advice on a subject everyone is thinking about. It not only explains problems that a lot of couples have, like many other books, but offers practical how to steps to deal with the specific issues. I have read many of the other books written on this subject and this is the first one that tackles problems without skirting around the issues. I especially liked the fact that Brotherson explained the need for emotional, spiritual, and physical intimacy and gave suggestions on how to get there. If any couples are experiencing challenges in this area, I would wholeheartedly recommend this book. If your marriage is strong in this area, the understanding gained would only make your relationship stronger and better.
Subject:
I thought I was broken...now I'm satisfied!
Date:
October 4 2005
Name:
KT in the Southwest
Comments:
I got your book "And They Were Not Ashamed" on CDs last week and my husband and I have been listening to them. We've been married nearly 30 years. Your book has brought a new dimension to our marriage I did not think or even imagine was possible. I have found answers to many prayers in regards to my own sexual fulfillment in our marriage and I cannot thank you and the Lord enough for this inspired book.
Thanks for breathing new life and hope for true fulfillment into our marriage. We are happily married and enjoy each other in so many other ways, but that was one even though I often make suggestions we have sex... after so many years of not being interested, I have felt to repent and do better, which I have...but I was coming away feeling like my ability to reach an arousal and climax were "broken" because I rarely found any pleasure in the sexual experience even if my husband put a lot of effort into helping me. Now I am strongly desiring him numerous times a day and I am coming away completely satisfied.
Thanks for your frankness and being able to express your ideas in such a way as to build our confidence in it being from the Lord. I have heard the same talks and quotes for years that you mentioned and never understood them to mean what you are saying, however, now that I am understanding the male sex drive, I am coming to realize our Leaders have been addressing the issue in a very delicate subtle way. I just wish I had known there were safe places to go to find out "how tos" and that it was okay to learn what to do.
At the LDS bookstore I tried to find some books with real answers about what is okay and is not. They were pretty vague, your's seems to be the only one that really gets in and addresses what to do. I learned things about men and women that I did not know before! While listening to your book, my husband says, "Uh huh" at parts about how men think and I do the same for the parts about women. I was shocked that a number of times after writing in my journal about my struggles on these issues, I would then listen to your book and hear you say the very things I had expressed in my journal. I had been thinking I was the only one feeling that way. I felt so alone and thought there was no one but the Lord that I could turn to. Now I know I am not alone. He lead me to your book and have found a dear friend in you.
Over the last few days, since starting to listen to your book on cd, my husband and I have grown closer than we have ever been. I have suffered for years feeling ashamed after being intimate with my husband. I would feel guilty and yet I knew it was okay. I am finally realizing I don't have to feel that way any more. I am pursuing every opportunity to educate both me and my husband. This morning, in our couple prayer, I told the Lord how much I loved my husband and how much joy he was bringing into my life and to our family. I was weeping as I did so. I thanked the Lord for that great blessing. Afterwards, my husband thanked me numerous times for that. He told me I was the kind of wife that makes him want to do better. He is not a demonstrative person. He rarely says what he feels about me. It is hard on me. Since listening to your book, he has started telling me how I am the best wife in the world and how glad he is he found me. He told me last night, how lucky he was to have found me nearly 30 years ago. Thank you again for all your help.
Date:
July 13 2005
Comments:
Thank you so much for your article "The Divine Designs of Marriage." It was exactly what we need in our marriage. We've been married for over twenty years and struggled with depression and some other issues, as all marriages do. Your article gave us hope and insight and direction for our marriage. Thank you again. May the Lord bless you for helping to strengthen marriages. (Something we need so much in the world today!)
Date:
July 13 2005
Comments:
Laura Thank you for your time in writting a book for people like me I have struggled my whole married life 25 years with the good girl syndrome I was raised you never look and read about this subject so when I got married I think I was the most naive person in the world for 12 years I never even knew what an orgasm was till a frien explained it. I have struggled with this for a long time I found your book and loved it, it let me know it was ok to study and learn about this and know that I would still be worthy to stand in front of My Heavenly Father some day I only hope I can truly belive and let some of these issues go I have struggled for ever with intamcy problem just never being in the mood and not being creative thank heavens I have a patience and wonderful husband I have a daughter getting ready for marriage and this book will be the best thing that she gets Thanks again
Date:
July 12 2005
Name:
Chantel
Comments:
My husband and I struggled for years with sexual issues -- especially after I completely swore it off after years of bad experiences related to his addiction to pornography. I finally realized my feelings counted, no matter what they were. I was not an appliance or a show piece!
We have had ups and downs on the road to recovery over the past several years. Your book has been a wonderful highlight.
Most of the things I had tried to tell my husband (before my two-year sabatical from sex) were right there in black and white from someone other than me. During the height of his problems he couldn't hear me or accept that what I said I wanted could possibly be right, because it was so different from what he wanted.
The confirmation your book gave of my entire perspective reaffirmed my feelings of value and gave my husband a much appreciated realization that women really do have different needs and perspective. He commented that he wished he'd had this book when we first got married 13 years ago.
Thank you for putting this information out there!
Date:
July 11 2005
Name:
Stephanie
Comments:
Laura, I just wanted to add my thanks to the others that have been shared. What an amazing book! I am getting married in 3 weeks and my fiance and I just started reading your book this weekend. We had a wonderful phone conversation (he is home in canada) last night about he differences between men and women and he just went on and on about how glad he was to be reading this. This will give us a scriptural, respectful, exciting and righteous start to the intimate aspect of our up and coming marriage. And don't worry, I haven't forgotten the honeymoon! We are really trying to prepare for marital sexuality as much as we are our finances, schooling, etc. What a blessing to read a book that gives such inspired direction. Thank you, thank you!
Date:
July 11 2005
Name:
Anonymous
Comments:
Laura, I have been a subscriber to Meridian Magazine for years and have not, unfortuantely, taken the time to read many of the articles. Today, however, the title of your book sparked my curiosity, and I began reading...and then began clicking all of your different links. I am a Jewish convert to the Church. I was married for nearly 20 years, divorced and now married for almost 5 years today. I am currently in counseling to empty out the skeletons and gain some tools as I do not want to repeat the same mistakes. Our counselor seems to be a good counselor, although not LDS. I truly want to be happy and have a wonderful marriage and family life. I had the wants, just not the tools. :( I think that your book and newsletter may be a step in the right direction for me.
It's funny how I had been praying and feeling pretty anxious and lost, and was basically guided to the computer, the meridian article "Divine Designs of Marriage," then drawn right to your column. It is a testimony to me that the Lord is mindful of us and our situation. Thank you for providing the article links and newsletter.
Date:
June 28 2005
Comments:
Laura, I wanted to tell you how drastically my marriage has changed over the past year. For years I had been longing for a change to occur in the intimate aspect of my marriage. I used to be so full of anger and resentment every time my husband and I were intimate. I wanted my husband's sex drive to disappear! I thought I would be fine to never have sex again. I was never able to see sex an as expression of love. To me it was just a way of satisfying carnal lust. The whole male sex drive was a source of great anger to me. Since you and your book have helped me so much I wanted you to know how wonderful things are now. I can't say exactly what has helped me the most from your book and I don't know when the moment of change actually occurred. But it came and it has lasted and has made a huge difference to me. I finally feel like sex is the ultimate way for me to express my love to my husband AND for me to feel love from him. This is HUGE for me. I feel like I was given permission to enjoy and be grateful for my sexuality. I felt like it became O.K. for me to have sexual fantasies about my husband, and for me to be playfully suggestive with him. This was an incredible step for me to realize that this was O.K. and actually that the Lord would be pleased with me. Another thing was learning that enjoying intimacy was a choice and deciding to enjoy it was MY choice. My husband asked me not too long ago what happened... I told him that I had made the choice to make intimacy an important part of our marriage. This has empowered me. I have learned what married sex could and should be like. I have even learned to appreciate my husband's sex drive and his masculinity. Also, reading about teaching my children about sex made me change too. I realized that I wanted my daughters to love sex. How could I tell them it was wonderful if I didn't believe that myself? Anyhow, things are great! I am so thankful for you and your book. This new found intimacy does have its price though. I have had to work through feeling very vulnerable at times and my husband has had to reassure me that he won't grow tired of me : ) Thank you for everything.
