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We welcome your comments about our books and CDs, this website, our newsletters, and author events, etc. If you would like to post a question for feedback or discussion, please post it on our "Open Forum Discussions" page at "Laura's Strengthening Marriage Blog."
Hi Trevor,
I'm very sorry to be so slow getting to you on your good questions. I've moved your comment over to the Blog under the Open Forum so that it's easier for others to respond as well (http://strengtheningmarriage.com/blog/misc/open-forum-discussions/#comment-1183). I've also included a link there to an article “From Honeymoon to Happily Ever After—Preparing for an Intimately Fulfilling Relationship,” that I think may be helpful to you as well. Feel free to respond further on the blog.
Subject:
Preparing for Marriage!!
Date:
March 30 2009
Name:
Trevor
Comments:
HEY EVERYONE! OR LAURA... It seems that many people are getting the book as an enrichment or help for marriages, which is wonderful and I'm sure we will always seek enrichment later on... But we're just starting. Getting married in a couple months. And we're open to advice. One of the books we read was so doom and gloom, using what felt like scare tactics about how difficult marriage is, we felt horrible reading it. We don't have any problems with each other, quite the opposite! I would like your opinions on how much to talk about sex, as we're just starting. Pre-honeymoon, and the first few months. Much of the info available sounds great, but I don't want my wife to feel overwhelmed. I personally feel like I'm pretty sensitive and I don't know if I want her to feel like she's having sex as a duty or for my sake. She seems like she IS very excited about sex and will be. If i am sensitive and caring, i feel like it will only get better. I feel like I can be very giving and let things go naturally as we talk about everything. We're very open already. Of course we will learn beforehand about how sex works and I will definitely have learned how to make it enjoyable for her sexually. If we're open, do you think we could do without reading too much? I DO feel like STARTING with ideas presented in "And They Were Not Ashamed" before marriage will be much nicer than trying to change things for people who have already been married for a while, but what do you think would be best in our case? Thanks!!!
Subject:
Thank you for this groundbreaking book
Date:
March 18 2009
Name:
Julie
Comments:
I was just reading through your book again as preparation for a class I'm teaching. What an inspired resource you have created. Kudos for making a difference for good in the lives of so many who suffer in silence due to lack of sexual intimacy in marriage! You are a fantastic writer and this truly is a groundbreaking book. Thank you!
Subject:
Thank you
Date:
March 11 2009
Comments:
Just want to say thank you for this book. I have been using "And They Were Not Ashamed" in my practice regularly with great success. It is a book that is very necessary and of immense value to many couples.
Subject:
Re: "And They Were Not Ashamed" in Spanish?
Date:
February 2 2009
Name:
Laura M. Brotherson
Comments:
Hi Richard,
The book "And They Were Not Ashamed" is not currently available in Spanish unfortunately. It may be available at some point if there was sufficient demand. We currently have one of our articles "What the Scriptures Teach about Physical Intimacy in Marriage" (from Ch 2) that was translated into Spanish. You can find it on the "Articles" page down towards the bottom. Hope this is helpful.
Subject:
In Spanish
Date:
February 1 2009
Name:
Richard Todd
Comments:
Can I get "And They Were Not Ashamed" in Spanish?
Subject:
Response to "Healing from internalizing sexual abuse stories"
Date:
January 29 2009
Comments:
I am very much the same way in that I have to be very careful with what I watch on TV and what stories I choose to listen to. I had a lot of negative conditioning from TV as a teenager that I most recently was able to get rid of. As far as it getting in the way of physical intimacy with your spouse - I don't know. It sounds like it may be an excuse and their are some deeper reasons for the aversion. I think her mind needs to be filled with as many good stories as possible so the negative ones don't override. If she is turned away from kissing and touching because of a story or image, sounds like she needs to be taught that physical intimacy within marriage is good and aproved by God. I'm sure Laura's book would help. It helped me tremendously.
Subject:
Laura's Phone Consultations on Hold
Date:
January 23 2009
Name:
Laura M. Brotherson
Comments:
Hi Randy, I apologize for the confusion. I put doing phone and email consultations on hold for a time while I finish my last couple years of graduate school. I am working on a Marital Intimacy Therapist Registry though that I hope will provide other good counselor referrals in the interim. I'll post more about that on the "What's New" page and on my blog when I get that pulled together. I sincerely apologize. It kills me to not be able to help as I would like to during this time. I hope people will find my newsletter, articles, blog posts and Q&A somewhat helpful in the meantime. You can also email me if you'd like. I do read everything even though I am not able to respond to everything personally.
Subject:
Phone Consults
Date:
January 23 2009
Name:
Randy Gibbs
Comments:
I clicked on "P Hone Consults" on the website and it gave me nothing, thinking I was asking for a product. I want to talk with Laura about phone/email consults. How do I do that?
Thanks,
Randy
Subject:
Healing from internalizing sexual abuse stories
Date:
January 20 2009
Comments:
My wife internalizes everything. Her imagination is extremely vivid and seems to always be much more affected by stories,then, anyone else I know. If she watches even a small amount of violence she has nightmares for weeks. She heard a terrible story very early in our marriage about a "sexual predator that licked a little girl's entire body to prime her for intercourse". Evidently, after nine years of marriage and sexual frustration and on her part aversion...we have finally identified that it wasn't a history of her abuse but this story that has so deeply affected our relationship. Before she had heard this story only months into our marriage she had been very free about being touched sexually. After having heard this story she closed up and never allowed much touching. This has been a very big source of relief to finally identify. However, she has not healed from having internalized this. She associates all touching, kissing of anything but the face as incredibly creepy. Please help us finally put this story behind her. What can she do to forget or divorce herself from the story?
Subject:
On loving a spouse who gives no love to you
Date:
January 12 2009
Comments:
Just a quick comment in regard to the question about how do you express love in the absence of being loved. Of course, the counsel on loving others without strings attached on what might be returned is critical, and at times giving love with no expectation of receiving it back is important. But adult spouses are not babies. They are thinking human beings with agency. To withhold love from a spouse, or affection, consistently over time is soul-destroying, and abusive. There may be many reasons that someone does this, and understanding them is important. However, a marriage consists of two companions, and endless willingness to be mistreated or abused by an uncaring or unloving spouse is not wisdom. Patience, compassion and time can heal some such wounds, but not for all, and the spouse who is victimized by another withholding love should not be feeling guilty about that - it is no virtue to allow behavior that is clearly unkind, uncaring or abusive. This is not meant to sound harsh, but it comes from one with long experience in working with such couples.
Subject:
Public Display of affection
Date:
January 12 2009
Comments:
In response to how much affection is appropriate to show for your spouse in public, I believe it depends on the setting.
For example, I remember trying really hard to concentrate in a stake conference meeting because seated right in front of me was a couple which stroke each others hair, smiled to each other and placed their heads on each other's shoulder throughout the entire two hour meeting! That same behavior would not have been a distraction to me if we were at an out door concert seated on the lawn.
Subject:
Question about public display of affection
Date:
January 12 2009
Name:
a mother who wants to know
Comments:
I have a question. I have two married children that get complained about because they will stroke eachothers hair or smile at each other and lean their heads on their spouses shoulder in public. I cannot believe the number of complaints I get that they should take it to the bedroom. For some reason it does not bother me. I am so delighted that they love each other and I view it as them having a very healthy marriage. None of them does anything offensive or improper. Has our society come to the point where any affection between a couple is viewed as pornographic. I have wondered if the people who are complaining are not happy with their own marriage or are loaded with the Good Girl Syndrome. Or is something wrong with my and our kids and their spouses?
Subject:
to " the man who wrote for advice on "love"
Date:
January 12 2009
Name:
One on the other side who has be
Comments:
to the man who wrote "What ideas does anyone out there have about developing the ability to love in the absence of feeling loved?"
The best advice I have is from experience. The first thing to do is forget yourself and werve your wife. Make sure no strings are attached. And the most important thing is to pray individually and as a couple. The Lord knows your hearts and the needs and wants of each of you. Be humble enough to seek for His help and listen to and follow what He prompts you to do. I know it works because it did for me. It has been over 3 years since I found Laura's book and I can say my husband's and my relationship has blossomed into a very romantic and sweet one. Whereas before he could have said the same things you did. However, he would have been very wrong, as I loved him very much. My problem was in faulty programing. I was loaded with the Good Girl Syndrome and it took a lot of serious study and prayer and effort to overcome it. I think I am finally free of it...well lets say I recognize it now and am able to break free of it when it creeps in again. That decision to over come the GGS Syndrome worked miracles in my marriage. I cannot help but wonder if your wife might be thinking your wife loves you very much but does not know how to speak your love language. Try speaking hers and see if she comes around. Remember, the One who knows both your hearts is willing and able to help.
Subject:
So many answers
Date:
January 5 2009
Name:
Rachel
Comments:
I just have to say that Laura’s book has given me so many answers. My husband introduced it to me and he is very thankful that I was open to the idea of reading it. He was amazed at how quickly I began to open up to him. I never realized just how closed off I had been in the past. My desire to be close to him in all areas got stronger. He can finally show his love for me and I don’t brush him away. I understand my husband much more and realize now that his intentions are pure and I am more able to accept his loving touches and can give them in return. Now it’s kind of funny that my desires for him have grown so much that he can’t keep up with me! It’s like there has been a major role reversal. I find myself doing more to make sure he is happy and that his needs are met so he will be able to let go in the bedroom. That used to be what HE did for ME. We are learning to find that balance, but I am forever grateful to Laura Brotherson for writing this book. Thank you. My job now is to spread the word and to properly teach my children about sexuality. Satan is working overtime to make beautiful and holy things seem wrong or twisted. Sexual relations in marriage is the best thing in life!
