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"Straight Talk about Strengthening Marriage!"
Newsletter #6--January 10, 2005 (#05-1) www.StrengtheningMarriage.com CONTENTS
------------------------------------------------------------------------ 1) ARTICLE--"Why Is Sex Such A Taboo Subject?" 2) MARRIAGE TIP--Husband/Wife Photos 3) BOOK UPDATE--#6 Marriage Book, #1 Sex Book, and #3 Parenting Book 4) EVENTS--Marriage Seminar, Feb. 4, Logan, Utah 5) STRAIGHT TALK Q&A--Suggestions for my wife... 6) WORDS TO PONDER--Breaking the sex talk taboo ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 1) ARTICLE--"Why Is Sex Such A Taboo Subject in
Marriage?"
Read the exciting new article by Laura M. Brotherson entitled "Why Is Sex Such A Taboo Subject in Marriage?" recently published online at Meridian Magazine: http://www.ldsmag.com/familyconnections/050106taboo.html. The article discusses some reasons why we don’t talk about sex, as well as how to talk about it, and what to talk about. Some of the reasons for the sex talk "taboo" identified in the article are as follows:
(This article was adapted from Chapter 6 “Sexual Stewardship—
Finding Sexual Fulfillment in Marriage” of the book And They Were Not Ashamed—Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment. To see past articles written by the author or other articles written about the book And They Were Not Ashamed visit our "In The News" webpage at: http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/news.php.) 2) MARRIAGE TIP--Husband/Wife Photos How many pictures of just you and your spouse do you have displayed in your home? When was the last time you and your spouse had a "couple" portrait taken? We encourage you to take some fun pictures of you and your spouse, or have a portrait sitting, so that you can post these pictures around your home to remind you of the importance of the marriage relationship. Family photos are great, but you need couple photos as well! Husband/wife photos remind you that your relationship must be nourished if you want it to continue to be close and connected even after the children are grown. Husband/wife photos also help children to realize that the marriage relationship is important. Set a goal to either find or take some husband/wife photos and place them on your fridge and in your bedroom before Valentine's Day, Feb. 14, 2005. You might even want to have some photos enlarged and framed as a special gift. 3) BOOK UPDATE--#6 Marriage Book, #1 Sex Book, and #3 Parenting Book We're thrilled to report that your help in sharing this ground-breaking marriage resource is paying off! And They Were Not Ashamed-- Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment is steadily climbing the charts at DeseretBook.com and is currently listed as the:
Thank you for your efforts! Let's continue to move this book forward to
#1 as the best selling "marriage," "sex" and "parenting" book. If you have found this book to be of value, please tell just one friend or family member about it. We can bless many lives with this book as evidenced by the comments of this reader: To read additional comments or to post your own, visit: http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/comments.php 4) AUTHOR EVENTS--Marriage Seminar, Feb. 4, Logan,
Utah
Stake Marriage Seminar (Logan Utah East Stake)
Friday, Feb 4th, 6:30 - 9:30 p.m. (1550 E. 1500 N. Logan, UT) TOPIC: "The Sanctity of Sexual Relations in Marriage-- Finding Mutual Fulfillment" For information about additional events visit our author "Events" page: http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/events.php 5) STRAIGHT TALK Q&A--Suggestions for my
wife...
Question:
I greatly enjoyed your book, but I can't get my wife to read it. She
thinks it's just another sex book that titillates men and puts women down. I so badly want to have an open conversation leading to mutual understanding with my wife about many subjects in your book, but she feels uncomfortable to talk from the heart. Any suggestions for helping my wife to see the importance of your book? Answer:
Your question is a common problem for many husbands. I can understand
your wife's hesitation to read "another sex book"...especially if she thinks it's just another smut-filled book that will make you want sex more, while she may still be trying to avoid it. There are some things you can do to increase the likelihood that your wife will want to invest her time and energy in this issue, but your wife must somehow come to understand the importance of physical intimacy in marriage and decide that she's ready and willing to take it on. The best way you can help her come to that realization is to pray for her heart to be softened, that she will see the importance of intimacy--not just for you, but also for her--and have a desire to work on it. You can contribute to creating such an environment by having patience with her, and letting her find the light in her own time and way. I know that is frustrating to the many good husbands out there who just want their wives to enjoy physical intimacy with them, but even as I asked my own husband what he might suggest to husbands like you, he just said to "tell you to pray and hang in there!" I wish I had some simple magic for you. From my experience, though it was primarily me that took the initiative to overcome my reticence and inhibitions regarding sexual issues, it was my husband's unending patience with me, and him continually striving to love me anyway, even though I wasn't meeting his needs, that really gave me the motivation and desire to finally figure this sex business out once and for all! This is a good course of action for any spouse! Look for the good in your wife. Appreciate everything she does do and try to let go of the mental desire/urgency that she read this book and "get fixed" because I'm sure she already knows things aren't as they should be. She probably doesn't like "not liking sex" either. She has likely lost any hope regarding sex, or feels like a failure as a wife, or is simply so inhibited and negatively conditioned about sexual issues to even go there. But I know you and your wife can find the fulfillment in marriage that God intended if you'll hang in there and trust in God to provide the help and the answers in His perfect timing and way. Take the things you have learned from reading the book such as: understanding negative conditioning, sex differences between men and women, the intricacies of the female sexual response, the need for women to feel emotionally intimate, close and connected for arousal to occur, etc. and apply what you can to create a warm and supportive environment for your wife. The dynamics of your relationship can change significantly even if only one of you are consciously working at it. Maybe at some point you could ask your wife if she'd be willing to read the book together with you for a few minutes at night--if you promise it won't lead to anything...! (That might be something holding her back). Pray to know specifically what you can do, and I believe you'll get answers. But be patient with her. The last thing your wife needs is any pressure. This is one of those issues that if you can let it go, it is more likely to come back to you. I hope something here will be helpful. I want every husband out there to feel like he is the luckiest man in the world! I also want every woman out there to not only enjoy intimate relations with their husbands, but also to feel alive sexually and to graciously accept the sexual dimension of the self. Note: Wives can also apply this information if it's the husband who is reluctant or uninterested in "reading a book" or working on their marriage. 6) WORDS TO PONDER—Breaking the sex talk
taboo
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"Though it seems impossible, an inhibited husband and wife can make love several times a week for a period of years without ever verbalizing their feelings or frustrations on this important aspect of their lives. When this happens, the effect is like taking a hot coke bottle and shaking it until the contents are ready to explode. Remember this psychological law: any anxiety-producing thought or condition which cannot be expressed is almost certain to generate inner pressure and stress. The more unspeakable the subject, the greater the pressurization. And . . . anxious silence leads to the destruction of sexual desire." ~~Dr. James Dobson, What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew, p.
125
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Stay tuned for more exciting developments in upcoming Strengthening Marriage Newsletters...! Visit the e-newsletter archive at: http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/signup.php --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Straight Talk about Strengthening Marriage" is an electronic newsletter designed to strengthen marriages and families—written by the author of the exciting new book "And They Were Not Ashamed—Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment." Visit www.StrengtheningMarriage.com for excerpts and reviews, or to place an order or post a comment. The author welcomes your feedback at Laura@StrengtheningMarriage.com --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- SUBSCRIBE — If this email was forwarded to you and you would like to subscribe, send an email to Lists@StrengtheningMarriage.com with "Subscribe" on the subject line. Please help us spread the good news about this valuable new resource. UNSUBSCRIBE — To unsubscribe from receiving future information and updates send an email to Lists@StrengtheningMarriage.com with "Unsubscribe" on the subject line. If you receive a duplicate of this email, please let us know. All outgoing messages scanned by Norton AntiVirus. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |