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"Straight Talk about Strengthening Marriage!" e-Newsletter #15 -- December 30, 2005 (#05-10) www.StrengtheningMarriage.com ** CONTENTS **
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1~ MARRIAGE TIP -- "Being Sexual Best Friends" 2~ ARTICLES -- "How Do I Get My Spouse to Change?!" and "Finding Healing and Wholeness from Depression" 3~ EVENTS -- Couples Caribbean Cruise - Feb '06 4~ NEWS -- (1) Send Us Your Couples Photos; (2) Kevin & Laura Brotherson Radio Interview; (3) LDSLiving Magazine Ad; (4) BYU Remarriage Survey 5~ READER'S REVIEWS -- "My husband is the happiest man in the valley!" 6~ STRAIGHT TALK Q&A -- How to find couple time 7~ WORDS TO PONDER -- Sexual conflict is inevitable and important -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1~ MARRIAGE TIP -- "Being
Sexual Best Friends"
2~ ARTICLE -- "How
Do I Get My Spouse to Change?!" andThe idea of a best friend conjures up thoughts of good times, and feelings of warmth, fun, and connection. You simply enjoy each other's company. You can talk about anything, or sit comfortably in silence. You can't wait to tell this person your good news, but you also go to them with your sad news. You not only love this friend, but you like them too. Your shared adventures are endless because you've been there together through thick and thin. Seeing marriage as a "best friendship" should not be difficult, but the concept of husband and wife being "sexual best friends" seems to stretch our thinking a little. Is it even necessary for husband and wife to have such a close sexual relationship? Yes! A good marriage needs more than just mental, emotional and spiritual nourishment. It needs sexual nourishment too. Sexual nourishment is not just physical, but requires the heart and soul. Within the context of a sexual best friendship in marriage there is an atmosphere of relaxed playfulness, trust, and a willingness to take on the adventure of sexual intimacy together. Husband and wife are given the wonderful gift of sexual enjoyment in marriage. I would imagine that best friends would want to delight in the sharing of this great gift. I imagine they would want to thoroughly enjoy this gift, and discover every ounce of enjoyment it has to offer. The idea of husband and wife being sexual best friends integrates the nurturing element of emotional intimacy with the energizing element of sexual intimacy. Many couples seem to lose their sexual friendship over time to a lackluster sexual monotony. Others never even fully awaken to the joys of their sexual relationship in the first place. Sex often becomes a silent, shadowed experience where intimate interaction is minimal. The emotional discomfort of sex often smothers any flicker of adventure and playfulness. It's the attitude and atmosphere of adventure and playfulness that make the sexual relationship come alive. What can you do to encourage such a relationship to flourish in your marriage? What does your spouse need from you in order to feel that you are their sexual best friend? The effort is worth it. The comfort and excitement of sharing a strong and vibrant sexual relationship with your spouse will energize and secure your marriage in so many wonderful ways. "Finding Healing and Wholeness from Depression" Check out Laura's latest magazine articles on overcoming depression and getting one's spouse to change! Her regular Meridian Magazine column is published online at www.MeridianMagazine.com every 4th Monday. Below you'll find some of the nice feedback we received on the "How Do I Get My Spouse to Change?!" article. "How Do I Get My Spouse to Change?!" by Laura M. Brotherson, CFLE, Meridian Magazine, November 28, 2005 http://www.ldsmag.com/familyconnections/051128change.html also available at DeseretBook.com, December 5, 2005 http://deseretbook.com/mormon-life/news/story?story_id=7640 Many of us focus on the imperfections of our spouse, thinking rarely of our own weaknesses and the role we play in creating the dynamics of our marriage. It’s the “how-do-I-get-my-spouse-to-change” syndrome. We think if only our spouse would change this or that, then we’d be happy. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Dear Laura, I am a Bishop in our church, and I'd like to share an experience with you. I recently had a wife visit with me who was very upset at her husband and has been for some time. I asked the husband to visit with me, knowing there are always two sides. They both said that they loved each other and wanted to save the marriage. I asked them to talk things out together and come up with a plan and present it to me. That was to happen last night. When they came in they had not come up with a plan because of disagreements, but the wife had brought in her list of grievances. The meeting started to deteriorate as the wife attacked the husband with her complaints, some of which were things that had happened years ago. The husband had heard these same complaints over and over through the years. He was frustrated with her unwillingness to forgive him. Before things got too far out of control I said I had something I wanted to read to them. I told them that what I was about to read may be hard to take because it will require a complete change in their approach--that they will have to forget the past and start with a completely new mind set. I then pulled out your article "How Do I Get My Spouse to Change". I had a copy for each of them to follow along with as I read it to them. When I finished reading it I was greatly pleased with their responses. They both said it was the best article on the subject they had ever heard. They then began to point out the parts of the article that they were impressed with. I then pointed out to them the date that I printed it. It was that same day. I let them know that my wonderful wife who, of course, has no idea of those who I am working with had emailed it to me that morning and that it was an answer to my prayer on their behalf. Thank you again Laura, for this great article. I'll be sharing it with the other bishops in the area." ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "A Light in the Darkness—Finding Healing and Wholeness from Depression" by Laura M. Brotherson, CFLE, DeseretBook.com, November 14, 2005 http://deseretbook.com/mormon-life/news/story?story_id=7519 Laura Brotherson learned first-hand how devastating depression can be--and how you can heal from its ravages. 3~ AUTHOR EVENTS --
Couples' Caribbean Cruise
Couples' Caribbean Cruise -- February 11-18, 2006 (leaves Ft. Lauderdale, Florida) It's not too late to join us on this fabulous Couples' Cruise. Call Cruise Planners today at 801-446-4218 or 866-446-4218 to learn more, and to reserve your spot. There will be so many fun people on this cruise that the company alone will make it worth attending! We'd love to have you there! For additional details visit our Events page: http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/events.php where you'll also find a link to the Princess Cruises website to learn more about the activities, dining and entertainment available on this cruise. For a Couples' Cruise flyer: http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/cruise.htm For information about other author events visit our "Events" page: http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/events.php 4~ NEWS -- (1) Send Us Your Couples Photos; (2) Kevin & Laura Brotherson Radio Interview; (3) LDSLiving Magazine Ad; (4) BYU Remarriage Survey (1) Send Us Your Couples Photos We'd like to build a coalition of couples from all around the world who are willing to break down barriers and publicly stand in support of strengthening marriages intimately. Grab a digital camera or get a special couples portrait taken, then send us your favorite husband/wife photo. This will be a "Strengthening Marriage" showcase of loving couples to highlight the marital unit as the vital component of the family and society. This could be a fun project for you and your spouse to have a husband/wife picture taken (especially if you don't have many pictures of just you and your spouse) and get them posted on our website as a special Valentine's Day celebration! Send your photo with your first names, and how many years you've been married to: couplesphotos@strengtheningmarriage.com. Check out the Couples Photos page here: http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/couples.php (2) Kevin & Laura Brotherson Radio Interview We've posted an audio clip of Dr. Liz Hale interviewing Kevin and Laura Brotherson on Utah's AM820 radio (originally broadcast Thursday, Oct 6, 2005). Click here to find the interview audio clip on the Events page under the Oct 2005 listing: http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/events.php (Let us know if you have any difficulties playing the clip.) (3) LDSLiving Magazine Ad If you receive the LDSLiving Magazine, be sure to check out our ad in the Marketplace section of the next edition. It should be shipped out around the end of January. You can preview the ad here: http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/medialdsliving.php (4) BYU Remarriage Survey If you are currently in a remarriage relationship, you are invited to participate in the development of a new questionnaire. This research is being conducted by Derrel Higgins, MS, LMFT and Robert Stahmann, PhD from the Marriage and Family Therapy department at Brigham Young University. Through this research, the investigators are hoping to develop a questionnaire based on "real world" experiences that will help remarried couples identify potential hot spots in their relationship. The items for this questionnaire were generated through interviews with numerous remarried couples and a comprehensive review of the literature. Your responses will be invaluable in assisting the researchers in the development of their Remarital Assessment Questionnaire (RAQ). To learn more visit and/or to participate, click here: http://www.mymarriagebuilder.com/qna/ (If you are not able to click on the link, then copy and paste the link into your browser's address bar). You can also visit the marriage builder website at: http://www.mymarriagebuilder.com/ Thank you for your time and assistance. To stay current on what's new on the StrengtheningMarriage.com website visit: http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/new.php 5~ READER'S REVIEWS -- "My husband is the happiest man in the valley" "This book is the best in it's class. Brotherson's book has (in my ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Your book has changed my life. I now have a very fulfilling intimate 6~ STRAIGHT TALK Q&A -- How to find couple time Question: I'm not sure if this is an issue you mention in your book, but since your bio stated that you have three children, I'm wondering how couples can find quality time for intimate moments, especially once they have children? I'm sure you're well aware that with children "couple time" becomes very limited. You may tell me to go get a babysitter, and perhaps I'm a little paranoid, but nowadays that seems like a risky option. You hear more and more about terrible things babysitters have done while parents were out on a date, or what care givers have done while parents were at work. Basically, I'm curious to know how does one effectively juggle all the demands in life, especially with children in the home, and still maintain a healthy, loving, and intimate spousal relationship? Answer: Finding quality time can certainly be a challenge with children. But the first step is making your marriage a priority, deserving of your priority time and attention. Intimate time can be found by getting children into a good bedtime routine, so that you still have time and energy available for each other. I'm a big proponent of a date night, but do understand the difficulties and expense of babysitters. Being active in a church is one of the best sources of babysitters. Although my oldest can now babysit a little bit, I still have a long list of good babysitters that I personally know and trust because of my interaction with them at church. You might want to look to church sources for babysitter referrals. As always, be prayerful and in tune with the Spirit to be able to know who will be safe and good with your children. You don't want to live in a state of fear, or to send that message to your children either. This fear of the "what ifs" might be a belief you'd want to address within yourself. (This is about pulling up the mental weed and planting a flower in its place!) You'll find in our book a lot of insight and great ideas to help you build a strong and intimate marriage relationship. The key is to set your priorities and divvy out your time and energy accordingly. A weekly date night ought to be required and scheduled, and/or you could choose a night that is simply reserved for "couple time" once the kids are in bed. With a predetermined day and time, you both can mentally save some of your energy for each other and not let yourself get started on other tasks. If you'll be prayerful about it and seek each other's suggestions I am confident you can find time to make each other a priority. The number one thing parents can do for their children is to give them parents who love each other. A strong marriage between the mom and dad is the basis of a child's security, and the foundation of their sense of well-being. God bless you and your wife in your efforts to make each other a priority, and to build a strong and intimate relationship. To check out other questions and answers visit our Q&A webpage at: http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/qa.php 7~ WORDS TO PONDER --
Sexual conflict is inevitable and important
"Sexual conflict in marriage is not just inevitable--it's important.***************************************************************************************** Stay tuned for more intimacy insights in upcoming Strengthening Marriage Newsletters...! Visit the e-Newsletter archive at: http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/signup.php If you missed the last few newsletters, you can catch up here: "Secrets of the Female Sexual Response" -- Newsltr #14 "Straight Talk about Strengthening Marriage" is an electronic newsletter designed to strengthen your marriage and family—written by the author of the book "And They Were Not Ashamed—Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment." Visit www.StrengtheningMarriage.com for excerpts and reviews, or to place an order or post a comment. The author welcomes your feedback at Laura@StrengtheningMarriage.com --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- SUBSCRIBE — If this email was forwarded to you and you would like to subscribe, send an email to Lists@StrengtheningMarriage.com with "Subscribe" on the subject line. Please help us spread the good news about this valuable new resource. UNSUBSCRIBE — To unsubscribe from receiving future information and updates send an email to Lists@StrengtheningMarriage.com with "Unsubscribe" on the subject line. If you receive a duplicate of this email, please let us know. All outgoing messages scanned by Norton AntiVirus. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |