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"Straight Talk about Strengthening
Marriage!"
e-Newsletter #7--February 9, 2005 (#05-2) www.StrengtheningMarriage.com ~~~NATIONAL MARRIAGE WEEK--Feb. 7 - 14, 2005~~~ CONTENTS
----------------------------------------------------------------------- 1) MARRIAGE TIP--Creating "Marriage Traditions" 2) ARTICLE--"Why Is Sex Such A Taboo Subject in Families?" 3) EVENTS--BYU Family Outreach Conference, Mar. 11 4) IN THE NEWS--Upcoming News Stories 5) READER'S REVIEWS--The Good Girl Syndrome 6) STRAIGHT TALK Q&A--Why is sexual fulfillment so difficult for women? 7) WORDS TO PONDER--Being able to let yourself experience it... ----------------------------------------------------------------------- ~~~HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! ~~~ 1) MARRIAGE TIP--Creating "Marriage Traditions"
Many families have traditions to strengthen their family relationships. Couples too can initiate regular opportunities to strengthen their marriage by creating “Marriage Traditions.” Valentine's Day is a great time to develop ongoing opportunities to build your relationship. Choose loving behaviors that hold value to both of you, then make them your marriage traditions. These special occasions and behaviors will engender closeness and emotional connection as you make your marriage a priority. What are your marriage traditions? Send us your marriage-strengthening ideas (Laura@StrengtheningMarriage.com). The following are a few ideas to inspire your own marriage traditions: * Establish
nightly routines of couple prayer and
expressions of love.
* Schedule a
weekly date.
* Have regular
pillow talk time.
* On Valentine’s
Day update your lists of what makes each
of you
feel
loved.
* On your
birthdays read and discuss each other’s
Patriarchal
Blessings
(or make a list of each other's strengths).
* Have your
wedding rings cleaned and polished
for your anniversary.
* Celebrate your
wedding anniversary by attending the
temple or by
returning
to visit the place where you were married.
* Watch your wedding video or look through your wedding every year
on your anniversary.
* Go on an annual
weekend getaway.
(Taken from Chapter 10 "Becoming ONE--Emotional Intimacy" of
the book And They Were Not Ashamed--Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment.) 2) ARTICLE--"Why Is Sex Such A Taboo Subject in
Families?"
We've addressed why it is so difficult for husband and wife to discuss their intimate relationship: http://www.ldsmag.com/familyconnections/050106taboo.html. Now let's talk about why it's so difficult for parents to talk to their children about sex. Here is the link to our most recent Meridian Magazine article entitled, "Why Is Sex Such A Taboo Subject in Families?" http://www.ldsmag.com/familyconnections/050202taboo.html The following are some of the reasons why sex is such a taboo subject within families, and why parents do not teach their children about sexuality, nor prepare them sufficiently for intimacy within marriage: 1. The
mistaken belief that if we talk to our kids about
sex, they’ll
just go out and do it.
2. Parents
are embarrassed.
3. Parents
have negative conditioning.
4. Parents
were not taught by their parents.
5. Parents
have let Satan dominate the subject of sex.
6. Children
are embarrassed.
7. The
parent/child relationship is weak.
8. Parents
don’t know what to teach, when to teach or
how to teach.
(To see past articles visit our "In The News" web page at:
http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/news.php.) 3) AUTHOR EVENTS--BYU Family Outreach Conference
March 11, Provo, Utah Find out what you can do to strengthen families in your own sphere of influence by joining with family professionals, students, religious leaders, and community members at the Family Outreach Conference. BYU Family Outreach Conference Friday, March 11, 2005, BYU (Provo, Utah) * Author Presentation--"Breaking into Taboo Territory-- Strengthening Marriages Sexually" * Author Presentation--"Making it Easy to Develop a Marriage Enrichment Program" For more information visit http://www.family-outreach.com 4) IN THE NEWS--Upcoming News Stories The good news about the book And They Were Not Ashamed is continuing to spread! The following newspapers have interviewed author, Laura M. Brotherson, about her new book and have scheduled to run a news story: Thurs. Feb. 10, The Deseret Morning News (Provo, Utah) We will post links or copies of the articles online at:
www.strengtheningmarriage.com/news.php as soon as we can. 5) READER'S REVIEWS--The Good Girl Syndrome "The 'Good Girl Syndrome' must affect millions of women, (For more reader's reviews or to post your own comments
visit:
www.strengtheningmarriage.com/comments.php) 6) STRAIGHT TALK Q&A--Why is
sexual
fulfillment so difficult
for women? Question: Many women seem to lose their desire for sex after marriage, while men seem to want it all the time. It's really rotten for a woman to have no desire for sex, but to have to have it anyway. And lack of desire doesn't always mean having a feeling of shame toward sex either. Men can have an orgasm with the snap of their fingers, while it takes a master mind to achieve it for women. Why did God create men and women this way? It's not fair. Answer: I can certainly relate to your frustrations. It wasn't so long ago that I too had a difficult time understanding why God would make physical fulfillment so easy for a man and so difficult for a woman. It seemed to me that the female sexual response was something akin to rocket science! Studies show that nearly 30% of women struggle with reaching orgasm, and there is a significant number of women who have yet to even experience an orgasm for the first time. Can you imagine how men would feel about sex if they rarely experienced a climax? I expect they might feel much the same way you do. I do not believe men have a stronger sex drive, or that women have a weaker sex drive. I believe men and women simply have "different" sex drives, and that we have yet to fully understand our different sexual wiring well enough to comprehend how to create the mutual fulfillment God intended in marriage. It is true that sexual fulfillment is relatively simple for men and is more complex for women, but women also have a greater capacity for sexual pleasure as evidenced by their ability to have multiple orgasms. I also agree that you don't necessarily have to have shame associated with sex to hate it. I would be quite amazed with any woman if she could honestly say she loved to have sex all the time when she never or rarely experienced an orgasm. Feelings of failure may also accompany the sincere, but ineffective attempts to experience the ecstasy of orgasm. Wives that say they hate sex or see it as a "wifely duty" may simply be tired of trying. They may wonder what's wrong with them or they may develop some anger with God for making sex so difficult for women. These are all understandable feelings. But over time I have found that there is purpose in all things. While it does take a significant amount of time and effort for a husband and wife to learn how to fulfill each other's intimate needs, I am beginning to see the wisdom in God's divine design for men's and women's differences. Both husband and wife have an opportunity to stretch and grow in ways that will ultimately create great joy and closeness, as they learn how to become more whole, more ONE--emotionally, spiritually and physically. Women are definitely designed to experience all the joys of sexual fulfillment. I hope you will get a hold of my book And They Were Not Ashamed and read chapters 3 and 4 that go into great detail regarding the female sexual response, and also chapter 5, which identifies the many sexual differences between men and women. Understanding sexual differences can help couples have greater empathy for each other as they change their thinking from "Why does my spouse have to be this way?" to "How can we make this work together?" I hope you'll hang in there and know that there is hope. I believe you'll find it. God bless you in your efforts to find mutual fulfillment in your marriage! 7) WORDS TO PONDER--Being able to let yourself
experience it...
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"Orgasm isn't just something that a man with intimate knowledge and skillful stimulating techniques provides a woman--It is something she must also be willing and able to let herself experience."
~~And They Were
Not Ashamed, p. 51
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Stay tuned for more exciting developments in upcoming Strengthening Marriage Newsletters...! Visit the e-newsletter archive at: http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/signup.php --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Straight Talk about Strengthening Marriage" is an electronic newsletter designed to strengthen your marriage and family—written by the author of the exciting new book "And They Were Not Ashamed—Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment." Visit www.StrengtheningMarriage.com for excerpts and reviews, or to place an order or post a comment. The author welcomes your feedback at Laura@StrengtheningMarriage.com --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- SUBSCRIBE — If this email was forwarded to you and you would like to subscribe, send an email to Lists@StrengtheningMarriage.com with "Subscribe" on the subject line. Please help us spread the good news about this valuable new resource. UNSUBSCRIBE — To unsubscribe from receiving future information and updates send an email to Lists@StrengtheningMarriage.com with "Unsubscribe" on the subject line. If you receive a duplicate of this email, please let us know. All outgoing messages scanned by Norton AntiVirus. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |