"Straight Talk about Strengthening Marriage!"
e-Newsletter #9--April 14, 2005 (#05-4) www.StrengtheningMarriage.com . . . exciting developments! CONTENTS
----------------------------------------------------------------------- 1) MARRIAGE TIP--35 Reasons to Make Love 2) ARTICLE--"Marriage Traditions—Cultivating Couple Connections" 3) EVENTS--Couple's Seminar "Strengthening Marriages Intimately" and Couple's Caribbean Cruise 4) NEWS--Highway Billboard & New Bookstores 5) PROFESSIONAL REVIEW--"This book is vitally necessary..." 6) STRAIGHT TALK Q&A--My husband dislikes lovemaking... 7) GREAT DATE IDEA--Couple's Dream Board 8) WORDS TO PONDER--Intimacy is dependent on self-awareness ----------------------------------------------------------------------- 1) MARRIAGE TIP--35 Reasons to Make Love
Making love is more than just having sex. Making love consists of the physical pleasures of lovemaking, but is perceived as a deeper emotional, spiritual and physical expression of love. The following are some of the potential benefits and blessings available in the intimate relationship of marriage...giving you many good reasons to make love!
Send your additional ideas to Ideas@StrengtheningMarriage.com.
Maybe together we can come up with 1001 reasons to make love! 2) ARTICLE--"Marriage
Traditions—Cultivating Couple Connections"
Meridian Magazine (www.MeridianMagazine.com) recently published our article entitled: "Marriage Traditions—Cultivating Couple Connections." We then received many responses from readers who shared some of their marriage traditions. The following is a delightful story shared by Brent Gray: Several years ago, I attached a small wooden heart to a Read the full article here "Marriage Traditions—Cultivating Couple
Connections"
http://www.ldsmag.com/familyconnections/050317traditions.html To read past articles visit our "In The News" web page at:
http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/news.php. 3) AUTHOR EVENTS--Couple's
Seminar "Strengthening
Marriages Intimately" and Couple's Caribbean Cruise We've been telling you for some time that there were exciting developments in the works....We're thrilled to report two of them! Our upcoming Couple's Seminar is a one-of-a-kind seminar that gets to the heart of the information needed to create a mutually fulfilling intimate relationship. The Couple's Cruise next Valentine's Day will simply be a blast! We'd love to meet many of you there where you are sure to put a sweet spark in your relationship! Couple's Seminar--"Strengthening Marriages Intimately"For information about additional author events visit our "Events" page: http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/events.php 4) NEWS--Highway Billboard & New Bookstores BILLBOARD--"Strengthening Marriages...intimately!" Check out the freeway billboard at the point of the mountain (between Lehi and Draper, Utah) Mar. 25 - May 2, 2005 (south face of billboard, northbound traffic, west side of road) Click here to view billboard image: http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/images/billboard.jpg SEAGULL BOOKSTORES--We welcome Seagull Book and Tape to our growing list of bookstores that carry "And They Were Not Ashamed--Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment." You can now find our book at any of their 22 stores in Utah, Idaho, California, and Arizona. Check out our current list of 180 bookstores at: http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/stores.php. If you are aware of any bookstores that carry our book, but are not yet listed on our website, please let us know. 5) PROFESSIONAL REVIEW--"This book is vitally necessary... The "Healthy, Wealthy, Wow Women's Lifestyle Magazine" in Utah is
publishing a book review of "And They Were Not Ashamed" in their April '05 issue. Thousands of copies are distributed to subscribers, as well as at a variety of locations along the Wasatch Front (i.e. Harmon's, Provo Town Center Mall and Utah Valley State College). Be sure to pick up a free copy if you live in the area. For more information visit: http://www.healthywealthywow.com/ Click here to read the review online: http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/review0.php We welcome you to share your own review of the book at: www.strengtheningmarriage.com/comments.php. 6) STRAIGHT TALK Q&A--My husband dislikes lovemaking... Question: My husband and I have been married 10 years, and it is he that dislikes love making...not myself. What can we do about it? Answer: It is becoming more and more common to find men with a lower desire for sex than the wife. This dynamic can be particularly challenging to both the husband and wife. Each may feel particularly self-conscious about this issue in their marriage. Many women have shared with me their feelings of rejection and feelings of failure as a wife. Men whose wives have the lower-desire regularly feel this way, but it is particularly disturbing for women who feel so out-of-the-norm. Men too most likely realize something is not quite right, which can be anxiety-causing in itself. You and your husband are definitely not alone. Low sexual desire is generally categorized into physiological causes, psychological factors and relationship issues (see page 68-69, And They Were Not Ashamed). Some of the more common causes of low sexual desire, particularly in men, are: (1) Low tolerance for the inherent anxiety-producing nature of intimacy Intimacy can be a scary thing. The very nature of
intimacy--emotionally,
For a fun date night, gather some of your favorite magazines and
together spiritually and physically--inherently requires a significant degree of self- awareness and self-disclosure, which can be extremely anxiety producing, especially for one who is not used to identifying and/or sharing their emotions. It's easier to watch TV or work long hours than it is to develop one's self emotionally and build the level of trust, vulnerability and intimate sharing that true intimacy and ONEness requires. While some men can hide behind the "physicalness" of sex and avoid the emotional and spiritual dimensions, others prefer to sidestep sex altogether. This low tolerance for intimacy is a deeply rooted source of low sexual desire. With effort and awareness men can break through this barrier by becoming more aware of their thoughts, beliefs and anxieties about sex and intimacy. One good way is to start a "Self-discovery Journal" to begin to identify thoughts and emotions, and to ask questions about one's self, and then free-write anything and everything that comes to mind, as if opening a closet door and looking inside. Unresolved conflicts in marriage provide a ready source of resistance to sexual intimacy. One study found that men with low sexual desire often had an angry or domineering wife. This is an area where women can do a self-check to see if this might be an issue. One of men's common complaints is that their wives are downright mean much of the time. For some men it may be difficult to feel a desire to be intimate with a wife who is often angry and demeaning. Without awareness men can also withhold intimacy (which women are often accused of) when it feels like it is the only thing over which they have any sense of control. Much of the inhibited sexual desire in men can also be attributed to the negative conditioning that often affects women. The "Good Girl Syndrome," which is an overemphasis on the negatives about sex, and a serious lack of affirmation regarding the positives or sanctity of sexual relations in marriage, can significantly diminish sexual desire in men. Beliefs that have developed such as "sex is bad or wrong" or "I can't control myself, so I better not even go there" can contribute to an inhibited interest in sexual activity. Becoming aware of underlying conditioning and our core beliefs is key to overcoming them. The homework in Chapters 1, 2 and 7 may be especially helpful in overcoming the guilt, shame and negative thoughts and feelings one has accumulated about sex. 7) GREAT DATE IDEA--Couple's Dream Board cut out anything that represents your ideal marriage or how you want your relationship to be. Make sure you both get to include some of what you've individually chosen. Discuss any items about which you may have different feelings. Paste the pictures and words on a poster board and post it in your bedroom where it can inspire you every morning when you wake up. This will help you create a "technicolor vision" of what you are striving to build in your marriage. Make it fun! Make it motivating! 8) WORDS TO PONDER--Intimacy is dependent on
self-awareness
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"One's ability to be intimate emotionally, spiritually and physically is in direct relation to one's degree of self-awareness and self- acceptance--because intimacy is dependent on self-disclosure." ******************************************************
Stay tuned for more exciting developments in upcoming Strengthening Marriage Newsletters...! Visit the e-Newsletter archive at: http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/signup.php --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Straight Talk about Strengthening Marriage" is an electronic newsletter designed to strengthen your marriage and family—written by the author of the book "And They Were Not Ashamed—Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment." Visit www.StrengtheningMarriage.com for excerpts and reviews, or to place an order or post a comment. The author welcomes your feedback at Laura@StrengtheningMarriage.com --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- SUBSCRIBE — If this email was forwarded to you and you would like to subscribe, send an email to Lists@StrengtheningMarriage.com with "Subscribe" on the subject line. Please help us spread the good news about this valuable new resource. UNSUBSCRIBE — To unsubscribe from receiving future information and updates send an email to Lists@StrengtheningMarriage.com with "Unsubscribe" on the subject line. If you receive a duplicate of this email, please let us know. All outgoing messages scanned by Norton AntiVirus. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |