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"Straight Talk about Strengthening Marriage!"
e-Newsletter #13 -- October 4, 2005 (#05-8) www.StrengtheningMarriage.com CONTENTS
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1~ MARRIAGE TIP -- "More Intimate Intimacy" 2~ ARTICLES -- " What’s Okay and What Isn’t " and "Cultivating Intimate Desire for Your Spouse" 3~ EVENTS -- Radio Interview; Couples' Valentine's Cruise 4~ NEWS -- Straight Talk Q&A Page; 3rd Printing; New Endorsements 5~ ENDORSEMENTS -- Richard and Linda Eyre, Stephen E. Lamb, MD and Mark D. Chamberlain, PhD 6~ STRAIGHT TALK Q&A -- "Why don't wives avoid becoming frumpy?" 7~ WORDS TO PONDER -- Marriage's polishing process; Marriage... 1000 times the happiness -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1~
MARRIAGE TIP -- "More Intimate Intimacy"
2~ ARTICLE -- "What’s
Okay and What Isn’t, Part I" and Something's missing in your intimate relationship, but you may not be sure what, or what to do about it. Sexual intimacy is more intricate than many of us realize. Profoundly meaningful sex is a learned behavior that requires self-awareness, discomforting personal growth, and a willing offering of the heart, mind, body and soul. Below are some suggestions that may put you on the path toward more intimate intimacy, and a profoundly meaningful sexual relationship. Your response alone to these suggestions can teach you valuable insights about yourself and your comfort level with intimacy, increasing your self-awareness regarding your intimate connection with your spouse: 1--Eyes-open foreplay. When was the last time you opened your eyesCouples might also consider the suggestions in the Sensate Focus Exercises in Chapter 12 of the book And They Were Not Ashamed to create more intimate intimacy. "Cultivating Intimate Desire for Your Spouse" Meridian Magazine now publishes Laura's monthly articles every 4th Monday at www.MeridianMagazine.com. You won't want to miss out on Laura's two most recent exciting articles: "What’s Okay and What Isn’t, Part I 3~
AUTHOR EVENTS --
Radio Interview; Couples' Caribbean Cruise
Radio Interview with Kevin & Laura Brotherson on Utah's AM820For information about additional author events visit our "Events" page: http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/events.php 4~ NEWS -- Straight Talk Q&A Page; 3rd Printing; New Endorsements (1) New "Straight Talk Q&A" Webpage. We appreciate your5~ ENDORSEMENTS -- Richard and Linda Eyre; Stephen E. Lamb, MD; and Mark D. Chamberlain, PhD "Laura Brotherson may look young, but she is wise far beyond her~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Laura Brotherson does a wonderful job of describing the important We welcome you to share your comments at: www.strengtheningmarriage.com/comments.php. 6~ STRAIGHT TALK Q&A -- "Why don't wives avoid becoming frumpy?" Question: Why is it that I see so many frumpy looking women especially at church? Most of these ladies would look nice if they would dress up, use a little make up, and lose a few pounds. It's difficult enough for men (being visually stimulated) to get through the day without having unwholesome thoughts, being bombarded by ads and other media with beautiful, sexy women everywhere. The temptation in the workplace is another issue. Wives can be a strong first defense against temptation by keeping themselves attractive and desirable to their husbands. Wives don't need to look like models, but they can do wonders by just dressing nicely, using a little make up, and generally being a little more fashionable. What are your thoughts? Answer: Knowing what I know about the visual nature of men, and the readily available temptations, I can see your concerns. I have even had one man tell me that he truly believed the number one cause of divorce was overweight wives. I also know that it can be frustrating and discouraging for women to feel like they have to be beautiful and thin to keep their husbands from straying, on top of everything else they feel they need to be doing. The issue of letting one's self go, or just not being as attentive to one's appearance, applies fairly equally to husbands and wives. Many men, as well as women, gain weight and seem to let themselves go after marriage. And I'm not sure how well husbands' bodies would fare after birthing a few kids! ; ) As a woman I can attest to the extra time and effort it takes to look nice. As I laid in bed one early Sunday morning trying to find the will to get up, after a very late night preparing a Sunday School lesson, I remarked to my husband that it just wasn't fair that he could be up and ready to go in about five minutes flat, while it would take me at least a half an hour! If I didn't wear makeup or do my hair I could save myself a lot of time and effort. For many women who might already be feeling overworked and overwhelmed, their appearance might seem to be the only thing of which they can let go. Maybe one thing you could do for your wife is to help take care of some household responsibilities to free up some time for her to put on her makeup, or curl her hair, or even to go exercise. I don't know how our family would make it to church without my husband's help doing the morning routine with the children, so that we can all be ready to go at about the same time. Maybe you could genuinely offer to go walking together in the mornings, or whatever you think might be lovingly helpful. I appreciate my husband's help in the evenings, so that I can try to go work out some nights. Thankfully he has never made me feel that he was embarrassed or disappointed about my appearance, or that he expected me to get busy and lose some weight (even when I needed to). What an absolutely discouraging position that would be, making it much more difficult for me to find the will or the interest to try to look my best. I wonder how many frumpy women might just be feeling unloved, and hopeless that they can ever look good again, and have quit trying. Husbands can do much to help uplift and encourage their wives, having faith in them, and encouraging their efforts. One woman told me that her husband tells her every day how hot she is! She told me that because she feels that her husband thinks she's attractive, she continues to work at looking as good as she can. She said that if her husband ever stopped telling her that she'd probably stop trying and get discouraged very easily. I do think it is important for each of us to try to look the best we can not only for our spouse, but also out of respect for ourselves. I know that I feel good when I look good. I remember how difficult it was as a full-time mother of young children when I felt frumpy-looking a lot of the time with all the demands and sleepless nights. I know I was grateful to have date night and church to look forward to each week, so that I could remember that I could look decent, and for my husband to remember that he actually did have a cute wife! For some spouses it might be particularly hard to actually go out and buy something nice for themselves. If it's important for you to have your spouse wear nicer clothes, then maybe you could lovingly encourage them to go buy a nice new outfit for themselves, or take them out on a date to do so. It doesn't have to be expensive. Some of my best dresses have come from second-hand stores. But sometimes people need permission to buy or do something for themselves, when they're not sure if they're worth it, or if they're not sure there's enough money for it. Marriage is about doing what we can to meet each other's needs. When an issue is particularly important to one spouse then it needs to be important to the other. But the spouse who is concerned about it can do much to make it more likely that his/her spouse will change. They must hold their spouse in a space of unconditional love and acceptance, creating the best possible conditions where the spouse is most likely to want to change. In this environment couples can best find the desire and motivation to be better for each other. It's definitely a tricky situation to communicate your desire for your spouse to take better care of their appearance, while at the same time sending a clear message that you love them no matter what. This ability is key though, for any spouse to be effective in helping the other make any desired changes. Look for and reinforce the positive in your spouse, and you'll get more of that behavior. If you only see what they aren't doing or what you don't like, you'll just get more of that. 7~
WORDS TO PONDER -- Marriage's polishing process; Marriage...
1000 times the happiness. "Marriage's 'polishing process' uses each spouse as the abrasive to *****************************************************************************************
Stay tuned for more exciting information in upcoming Strengthening Marriage Newsletters...! Visit the e-Newsletter archive at: http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/signup.php If you missed the last few newsletters you can catch up here: "How to Feel More Amorous" -- Newsltr #12 "God's Wedding Gift" -- Newsletter #11 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Straight Talk about Strengthening Marriage" is an electronic newsletter designed to strengthen your marriage and family—written by the author of the book "And They Were Not Ashamed—Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment." Visit www.StrengtheningMarriage.com for excerpts and reviews, or to place an order or post a comment. The author welcomes your feedback at Laura@StrengtheningMarriage.com --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- SUBSCRIBE — If this email was forwarded to you and you would like to subscribe, send an email to Lists@StrengtheningMarriage.com with "Subscribe" on the subject line. Please help us spread the good news about this valuable new resource. UNSUBSCRIBE — To unsubscribe from receiving future information and updates send an email to Lists@StrengtheningMarriage.com with "Unsubscribe" on the subject line. If you receive a duplicate of this email, please let us know. All outgoing messages scanned by Norton AntiVirus. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |