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"Straight Talk about Strengthening Marriage!"
e-Newsletter #14 -- November 21, 2005 (#05-9) www.StrengtheningMarriage.com CONTENTS
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1~ MARRIAGE TIP -- "Secrets of the Female Sexual Response" 2~ ARTICLES -- "What’s Okay and What Isn’t, Part II" 3~ EVENTS -- Couples' Cruise Newsletters & Cruise Seminar Topics 4~ NEWS -- (1) Pre-Christmas Prices; (2) Book as Human Sexuality Course; (3) New Media Page: Link to StrengtheningMarriage.com & 'Snow White Writes a Book' News Story; (4) Send Your Thoughts to Deseret Book 5~ READER'S REVIEWS -- "We've been missing out on so much" 6~ STRAIGHT TALK Q&A -- "I just want to cuddle!" 7~ WORDS TO PONDER -- Love is what you've been through -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1~
MARRIAGE TIP -- "Secrets of the Female Sexual Response"
2~ ARTICLE -- "What’s
Okay and What Isn’t, Part II--Dealing
with The clinical model of the sexual response leaves out a few important insights that are vital to mutual intimate fulfillment in marriage. The most glaring oversight in the response cycle for women is their need for a preparatory phase. Most women require some degree of mental and emotional warm-up, in order to fully engage in the sexual experience. Whereas men are usually ready to go at a moment's notice. Understanding the need for a warm-up phase allows both husband and wife to work together to meet each other's needs for intimacy, honoring each other's different sexual wiring. The Warm-up/Preparation phase serves the following purposes: (1) Preparing the environment (2) Relaxing (3) Preparing mentally (4) Connecting emotionally, and (5) Giving the wife's sexual arousal a head start The next major oversight shows ignorance regarding a significant difference between male and female sexual desire. For men sexual desire is quickly attained. Women, who are mistakenly perceived as having weaker sexual desire, merely require a degree of arousal before their sexual desire is awakened. Thus, where the sexual response phases tell us that desire precedes arousal, for many women desire actually follows arousal. It's not that women are never in the mood, it's just that we often don't understand what is needed to get in the mood. Without the efforts and engagement of the Warm-up/Preparation phase it is difficult for many women to even approach the state of arousal or to feel their sexual desire. If the attentive efforts of the warm-up phase still don't seem to warm up the wife, then emotional and mental inhibitors involving negative and unproductive thoughts about sex, or other relationship issues are likely at work. Remember these five T's of the female sexual response: thoughts, tenderness, talk, touch and time... Keeping thoughts about sex (and one's spouse) focused in a positive and productive direction is crucial to the unfolding of the sexual experience. Tenderness requires loving interactions that specifically make one's spouse feel loved and cherished. Conversation is a necessary component for many women to feel close and connected mentally and emotionally to their spouse. Touch reminds us that many women need to experience a degree of sexual arousal before they feel their sexual desire. Lastly, many women slowly crescendo into lovemaking rather than experience an immediate response, thus they require a sufficient amount of unrushed foreplay and stimulation to reach the heights of ecstasy. (See Chapters 3 and 4 of "And They Were Not Ashamed" for a more in-depth discussion of the female sexual response, as well as a list of possible intimacy inhibitors in Chapter 4.) Sexual Differences in Marriage" Check out part two of Laura's latest Meridian Magazine article, "What's Okay and What Isn't". Laura's monthly column is published online every 4th Monday at www.MeridianMagazine.com. "What’s Okay and What Isn’t, Part II 3~
AUTHOR EVENTS -- Couples'
Caribbean Cruise Newsletters &
Cruise Seminar Topics Couples' Caribbean Cruise--Seminar Schedule February 11-18, 2006 (leaves Ft. Lauderdale, Florida) Only ten spots remain for the romantic Couples' Cruise getaway to the Caribbean. Dr. Stephen E. Lamb, M.D. and Laura M. Brotherson, CFLE will present seminars during the days at sea on the following topics: Day 1 at SeaCall today to learn more and to reserve your place on this fabulous cruise. For additional details visit our Events page: http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/events.php or click here for a Couples' Cruise flyer: http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/cruise.htm Couples' Cruise News Check out the weekly Couples' Cruise Countdown newsletters at http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/cruisenews.php. You'll find cruise ship highlights and cruise tips on topics that include the following: * Fine dining -- 5 course meals; boarding timesFor information about other author events visit our "Events" page: http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/events.php 4~ NEWS -- (1) Pre-Christmas Prices; (2) Book as Human Sexuality Course; (3) New Media Page: Link to StrengtheningMarriage.com & 'Snow White Writes a Book' News Story; (4) Send Your Thoughts to Deseret Book (1) Pre-Christmas Prices Helping to strengthen one's marriage is one of the best gifts you can give this Christmas. With great pre-Christmas prices, "And They Were Not Ashamed--Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment" makes the perfect Christmas gift! Whether your loved ones are readers or do better with audio books, you'll be giving a priceless gift with this insightful book. Join the many that have ordered multiple copies for their married children, grandchildren, friends and family. This allows you to take advantage of our FREE SHIPPING with orders of four or more items. (Special prices good when ordering online at www.StrengtheningMarriage.com -- through Christmas '05!) Softcover book $14.95 (reg. $17.95)(2) "And They Were Not Ashamed" Book as Alternative Human Sexuality Course We were recently contacted by a university professor in Washington to ask about using our book as an alternative text for some of their master's degree students who were concerned about the material taught in the required human sexuality course. We were honored by their request and their efforts to provide appropriate, yet effective information for those who will be counseling couples in their marriages. (3) NEW Media Page -- Links to StrengtheningMarriage.com & "Snow White Writes a Book" News Story In the menu on www.StrengtheningMarriage.com you'll find a new "Media Page" http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/media.php (still under construction) that will have many new features such as a News page, Press Kit information, FAQ page, a Book Brochure (to print) and other Promotional information. The "Link to StrengtheningMarriage.com" page (http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/medialink.php) allows anyone to easily create a link to our website to provide their web visitors with information and access to our book and website as a valuable marriage resource. Images and text links with programming code are available. If you have a website or know of a website that would want to support the effort to strengthen marriages intimately, we encourage you to take advantage of this web page and share it with others. Also on the Media Page on the "In The News" page (http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/medianews.php) you'll find fun new news stories, interviews and articles, such as "'Snow White' Writes Book about Sex" (http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/mediasnowwhite.html). (4) Send Your Thoughts to Deseret Book We continue to work with Deseret Book regarding an opportunity for us to advertise in their catalog. It may be helpful for them to receive a little extra encouragement from readers in order to confidently support our book "And They Were Not Ashamed--Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment." Many couples are still searching for answers in all the wrong places because they don't know where to find in-depth and effective, yet appropriate help for the difficult and delicate issues they face regarding marital intimacy. If you would like to share your thoughts about the value of this book and the importance of getting the word out about it, you can post a brief review of our book on their website (http://deseretbook.com/store/product?sku=4917595) and/or send an email to their customer service at: dbol@deseretbook.com. We appreciate your help with this important endeavor to strengthen many more marriages! 5~ READER'S REVIEWS -- "We've been missing out on so much" "I am ever so grateful to have a bold and courageous book like yours~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ We welcome you to share your comments at: www.strengtheningmarriage.com/comments.php. 6~ STRAIGHT TALK Q&A -- "I just want to cuddle!" Question: Sometimes I just want to cuddle with my husband, but it always seems to turn into sex. My husband feels bad when I'm not in the mood, but why can't we just enjoy cuddling sometimes without it leading to something else. What can I do? Answer: Non-sexual touch, or affection, is a universal human need. Many wives feel frustrated with the lack of it, or that it always seems to have strings attached. On the other hand, many husbands feel frustrated with the lack of sexual touch that seems to be less frequent than they'd like, causing reluctance to not take advantage of any opportunity. Though husbands have a need for non- sexual touch that is just as significant as their wife's need, the more intense feelings associated with sex make many men overlook the simpler pleasures of affection, preferring to skip that stuff and get to the good part! So, the issue of sexual touch and affection in marriage is often a dilemma for both husband and wife. One suggestion I give to couples is to set aside one night a week just for cuddling, or whatever form of affectionate touch you can both enjoy, with an understanding that it won't lead to anything else. This mutual understanding makes it easier for both of you to relax, and learn to enjoy non-sexual touch for its own sake. For many women this helps them to disconnect any negative associations they have with touch always leading to something else. Paradoxically, more affection often helps women to warm up to more intimate interactions because it feeds her emotional needs for intimate connection and closeness. Where many women need some emotional and mental warm-up and preparation time to fully engage in sexual intimacies, this weekly night of affection goes a long way to help her develop a warmer response to her husband's sexual interests. With that said, husbands must not go into this "affection night" idea with any expectations (even non-verbal ones) or it will defeat the purpose of giving loving touch with no strings attached. Women must also consider their husband's needs and willingly suggest another night of the week to be set aside where loving touch can lead to sexual touch. For women, date night may provide the ideal mental and emotional warm-up time they need in order to relax and more fully engage in lovemaking. Having this understanding of at least one night for lovemaking makes it easier for husbands to relax about sex, knowing that there is a light at the end of the tunnel! This planned-ahead occasion also gives the wife the opportunity to mentally and emotionally prepare her heart and mind for a more enjoyable and fulfilling shared intimate experience. 7~
WORDS TO PONDER -- Love is what you've been through.
"Love is what you've been through with somebody."***************************************************************************************** Stay tuned for more intimacy insights in upcoming Strengthening Marriage Newsletters...! Visit the e-Newsletter archive at: http://www.strengtheningmarriage.com/signup.php If you missed the last few newsletters you can catch up here: "More Intimate Intimacy" -- Newsltr #13 "How to Feel More Amorous" -- Newsltr #12 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Straight Talk about Strengthening Marriage" is an electronic newsletter designed to strengthen your marriage and family—written by the author of the book "And They Were Not Ashamed—Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment." Visit www.StrengtheningMarriage.com for excerpts and reviews, or to place an order or post a comment. The author welcomes your feedback at Laura@StrengtheningMarriage.com --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- SUBSCRIBE — If this email was forwarded to you and you would like to subscribe, send an email to Lists@StrengtheningMarriage.com with "Subscribe" on the subject line. Please help us spread the good news about this valuable new resource. UNSUBSCRIBE — To unsubscribe from receiving future information and updates send an email to Lists@StrengtheningMarriage.com with "Unsubscribe" on the subject line. If you receive a duplicate of this email, please let us know. All outgoing messages scanned by Norton AntiVirus. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |