 Thriving in
Marriage
What does it take to not just get by in
marriage...but to THRIVE!? The following keys will help you and your
spouse develop a thriving relationship that will bring you joy, and be
a light to others.
1. Acceptance of Self and Spouse.
Acceptance unlocks the door to change both ourselves and in our
spouses. Acceptance says, "It's okay for me to be me," and "It's okay for
my spouse to be him/herself." Thriving in marriage means we don't waste
valuable time trying to "fix" or change our spouse, but that we focus
our attention on improving ourselves. Disciplining our thoughts to focus
on the good and the positives about ourselves and our spouse is a
necessary skill for thriving in marriage.
2. Playfulness and Humor.
Recently my husband
and I were discussing what it takes for a marriage to thrive. We decided
that the one thing that really distinguishes a thriving marriage from
a mediocre marriage is how much playfulness and humor couples share.
One woman told me that she can always tell how their marriage is doing
by how playful she and her husband are with each other. An important
part of playfulness and fun is making sure you and your spouse schedule
time to yourself for a weekly date. Marriage requires constant nourishment and attention
if it is to thrive.
3.
Affection. Related to playfulness and fun is affection. Couples that
are thriving in their marriage like to touch each other and do so
naturally and frequently. For some of us affection is a learned
behavior, especially if we come from non-touchy families. But non-sexual
touch is a key habit for you and your spouse to learn for your marriage
to thrive.
4. Sex. When the non-sexual touch
is plentiful and playful it nourishes the sexual relationship. In
thriving marriages, couples not only make sex a priority, but they both
enjoy the sexual passion that they share. For most couples sexual
compatibility is a learned behavior. Learning how to nourish your
relationship sexually is worth the effort and keeps the passion alive
and thriving.
5. Emotional Connection. To thrive
in marriage there must be an ongoing open and honest sharing of our
hearts and souls. Feeling safe enough to share your joys and dreams as well
as sorrows and fears feeds the emotional connection in the
relationship, allowing couples to thrive amidst the ups and downs of
life.
6. Personal Growth. Self-awareness,
self-understanding, and self-development are an ongoing process that
couples must both engage in in order to truly thrive in marriage. Taking
responsibility for one's self, one's growth, and one's happiness creates
a personal reservoir from which spouses are more able to love and
nourish each other. Thriving couples don't expect each other to make
them happy. They've learned how to be happy within themselves, which
brings strength and resilience to the marriage. Some of the most
important work in marriage is learning to tune into and stretch to meet
our spouse's needs.
7. Shared Journey. To thrive in
marriage requires a sense of a shared spiritual journey toward
something greater than yourselves. This sense of purpose generally comes
from a spiritual journey toward God. I have always believed that my
husband and I had an important work to do together, and would someday
serve together in our church after our children were grown. That
knowledge has been like spiritual insurance for our marriage.
Understanding marriage as a mutual refiner's fire toward a grand purpose
helps to make the ups and downs of life easier to endure.
You CAN thrive in your
marriage as you take steps to build upon your strengths. I'm convinced that
we need couples that are thriving in their marriages now
more than ever!
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