"Characteristics of a Healthy Intimate Relationship in Marriage"

by Laura M. Brotherson

How would you define a healthy sexual relationship in marriage? While there may be a number of ways, the following represents my definition of a healthy sexual relationship:

1.    Mutually Fulfilling. Lovemaking is mutually enjoyable and satisfying for both husband and wife. (This would include regular orgasms for both husband and wife.)

2.    Open Communication. Husband and wife communicate openly and honestly about sex–including their needs and preferences. This ability allows them to reconcile the many differences that will inevitably arise in the sexual relationship.

3.    Satisfactory Frequency. Both husband and wife feel satisfied with the frequency of lovemaking.

4.    Emotional Connection Beyond the Bedroom. In order for the intimate relationship to come full circle there must be good emotional connection outside the bedroom as well.

How Many Fit?

What percentage of couples would you think fit this description of a healthy sexual relationship? Most research only measures sexual dysfunction rather than how many people consider themselves to have a healthy and fulfilling intimate relationship, so it’s difficult to find accurate information.

Given that 40-50% of couples divorce over matters such as sex, and considering that a majority of those who stay married unfortunately subsist in a parallel/mediocre marriage, I would have to say that maybe 20% of couples have what could be considered a healthy sexual relationship. And that’s probably a pretty generous number given this proposed definition....

Read the rest of the story here and share your thoughts.

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"The Marital Intimacy Show"
Weekly Online Audio Show
-- The WIN Official Launch

The WIN Official Launch Event

You are invited to join in the celebrations at the official launch of The Women's Information Network this Saturday, September 26 from 2 - 5:30 p.m. My husband and I will be there, so be sure to say hello! Click here for more information and to register.

• Be inspired to elevate the gift of sexual enjoyment to its divinely intended place
• Learn to fully embrace the God-given gift of sexuality
• Learn the secrets of sexual satisfaction
• Find solutions to the intimacy issues that plague so many marriages
• Create a mutually fulfilling, intimately connected, and passionate relationship ~ emotionally, spiritually and sexually.

100,000 Downloads!

The previous radio show segments "Sexual Intimacy in Marriage" that I did with Dr. Liz Hale recently reached over 100,000 downloads on iTunes. You can listen to them or subscribe here. I hope our new Marital Intimacy Show podcasts will provide even more valuable insights to help couples strengthen their marriages intimately.

TV Show Appearance

If you are in Utah, tune your television to KSL Channel 5 on Friday, September 25th from 11 a.m. -12 noon for my second appearance with host Brooke Walker on Utah’s KSL “Studio 5” show. We will be discussing the "Characteristics of a Healthy Sexual Relationship in Marriage."

Click here to view my previous KSL appearance -- Secrets of Sexually Satisfied Wives
Click here to view all Video/TV appearances

Strengthening Families -- New Book "Famous Family Nights"

Upcoming Sexual Intimacy Workshops

Wednesday, October 7 (Salt Lake City, Utah)
"Cultivating Sexual Desire in Marriage"
Women's Workshop
     Julie DeAzevedo Hanks, MSW, LCSW

Saturday, October 24 (Layton, Utah)
Amazing Intimacy Couples Workshop -- "Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Intimacy”
     Emil Harker, MS, LMFT

Marriage and family therapist, Emil Harker, provides an entertaining, frank and spiritual exploration of the elements of intimacy, and the road to mutually satisfying sexual fulfillment. Men will find what they are looking for, and women will find what they are missing. This workshop will be held Saturday, October 24, from 7 - 9 p.m. at the Weber State University - Davis Campus (2750 N. University Park Blvd., Layton, Utah). Cost is just $50 per couple. Register today by calling 801-510-1643.

Both Julie and Emil use insights from the book "And They Were Not Ashamed--Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment" in their presentations.

As recommended therapists, you can learn more about Julie Hanks and Emil Harker on our Marital Intimacy Therapist Registry (MITR).

"What Sex Means to a Man" -- New Blog Posts & Discussions

I apologize for not getting this newsletter sent out as often as I  would have liked this year. One way to receive marriage-strengthening intimacy insights on a more frequent basis is to subscribe to "Laura's Strengthening Marriage Blog" feeds, as I generally try to post at least a few posts each month.

I appreciate all those who share their comments, concerns and intimacy insights for others to find hope, encouragement and solutions to the intimacy issues that plague so many marriages. To subscribe to the blog entries and/or the blog comments look for the "Subscribe" box on the lower right side of the blog.

New Blog Features

New features have been added to the blog to make it easier for you to print individual posts, and you'll also find a complete list of all archived blog posts in the new "Archive" section on the lower left menu bar.
 
Latest Blog Posts

Some of the latest posts and topics include:

• The Good Girl Syndrome
• Affair Proofing Your Marriage, Part II
• Affair Proofing Your Marriage, Part I
• Celebrating 18 Years!
• Famous Family Nights — New Book-Contribution
• Love Letters
• Open Forum 2 Discussions
• National Magazine Profile — “How I Took the Taboo Out of Sex”
• What Sex Means to a Man
• Myths about Marriage—Take the Marriage Myths Quiz
• Still Standing Strong for Marriage
• Taking the Heat for Marriage
• Characteristics of a Healthy Sexual Relationship
• The Centerfold Syndrome
• Top 10 Women’s Blogs

Book Feedback

I've been meaning to share some comments with you for a long time. My sister in law mentioned your book and how great it was during a family gathering some time ago. I came across it later and felt impressed to buy it.  As I started reading it, I quickly became aware that my sex life was not satisfying me. My husband and I had been married for almost five years at that point. As I read your description of a female orgasm, I thought, that's not what happens to me! I had been aroused before, but I didn't realize I could have a reaction like my husband had. I engaged in sex for him, not for me. There were times the frequency wasn't enough for him. I tried to please him, but I was not fulfilled sexually. 

I didn't realize how patient we needed to be with clitoral stimulation until I read your book. Your book taught me so much about the female sexual response and also about how important sex is to a man. It opened up the sexual subject in our marriage and made my husband more of a priority to me.  It made us more in love. Thank you so much (and a big thanks from my husband) for the improvement you have made in this special and crucial aspect of our life. I also wanted to mention that I enjoy sex so much more now and I have orgasms and I am much happier with our sex life. Thank you for making such a difference in our marriage! I can't thank you enough for the increased happiness you have brought into our marriage. We will continue learning and improving together.

Newsletter Archive

Stay tuned for more intimacy insights in upcoming Strengthening Marriage Newsletters ... ! Click here to visit the e-Newsletter archive. If you missed the last newsletter, you can catch it here:

       "Embracing Sexuality" -- Marriage Newsletter #34 (Mar '09)

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