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"Straight Talk about Strengthening Marriage!"
April 28, 2008 -- Newsletter #31

Couple foreplaySexual Self-Confidence

Wondering about the discrepancy between the many women who dress provocatively in public and the many wives who struggle to share themselves freely with their spouses in private, one husband asked,  "Does it take more confidence for a woman to dress revealingly in public, or to dress revealingly in her bedroom for her husband?" 

What do you think?

This question reminds me of the many men who feel that their wives were very passionate and affectionate before marriage, then found that that didn't translate into their marriage relationship. One husband even called it a "bait and switch." It's my contention that women don't mean to do this on purpose. They are simply poorly prepared for a healthy sexual relationship in marriage.

It's one thing for a woman to seem like "a tease" prior to marriage (though I don't think most women mean to, at least consciously), and something completely different for them to be prepared to follow through on that tease within marriage! It's all about a healthy sense of self and one's sexuality. This is not something that is generally taught, modeled or developed in young women (or men). Thus we can see some of the roots of sexual frustration in marriage.

What Is Sexual Self-Confidence?

Sexual self-confidence is the self-assurance and God-assurance, even, that one is loved and acceptable to one's self and to God. This is coupled with sexual knowledge and application within marriage. Feeling sexy means you like and accept yourself--complete with flaws and imperfections--and embrace your sexuality. Being at peace with oneself is key to unlocking one's sexual potential in marriage.

In my opinion, it does take more confidence and a stronger self-image to dress provocatively in front on one's husband than it does to dress provocatively in public. Think about it. To dress immodestly in public is fairly easy. You get lots of attention for being "eye candy," without having to "do" anything to follow through with the consequences of your appearance. It's the tease without any follow-through.

To dress revealingly for one's husband requires a willingness or ability to go where that might lead! To dress provocatively in the "bedroom" generally means that the clothing is ultimately going to come off. This creates a whole bunch of issues for many women. Self-image, body image, feelings about one's spouse and sex in general all become serious factors. It's a terribly vulnerable and anxiety-causing endeavor. Thus it takes much more self-assurance to dress alluringly for one's husband than it does to do so in public. It also takes being at peace with one's body, one's sexuality, and even one's spouse.

     . . .

Make Sexual Self-Confidence a Priority

Making peace with one's self and building a relationship with God are the keys to developing healthy self-confidence. By adding sexual knowledge and intimate learning with one's spouse to that foundation, sexual self-confidence is created. It's not widely promoted for women to develop their sexual self-confidence, but it is being promoted here for the benefit of building many stronger and more intimate marriage relationships. The benefits are many! Just think of the positive and lasting legacy you will pass on to your children, in addition to the pleasurable benefits you'll receive for yourself and your spouse!

Click here to read the full article "Sexual Self-Confidence"


Jumping on Beach Couples Cruise Photos (Feb '08)

The February 2008 Couples Cruise was a blast! You can share in the fun of the adventure by checking out the couples cruise photos .

We are sad to have to put these fabulous marriage-strengthening getaways on hold for a few years, but we plan to resume headlining couples cruises in 2011. So, save your pennies and be sure to join us then. Everyone is welcome! These couples cruises, with some marriage education on the side, are a great way to refresh your marriage and your soul. 

Here are some of the comments from a cruise-goer:Laura presenting

"We had a wonderful time on the Couples Cruise! The weather was amazing, the islands were stunning, the ship was cool and the company was the best. We were in bathing suits almost every day and did things like snorkeling, kayaking, snorkeling, sun bathing, snorkeling, hiking, etc! In the evenings, we were making friends with the couples in the group, EATING, and dancing, and spending time in the spa. We had such a good time getting to know everyone and learning more about our marriage.

Laura's seminars made a good cruise great. It is so refreshing to learn about sexual responses / differences, communication, and even anatomy from a source that is not raunchy or too revealing. Laura and her husband are younger than expected but Laura is so knowledgeable and passionate (no pun intended) about the subject that you feel Crazy couples at dinner so comfortable learning from her. I cannot say that the cruise solved all of our issues but we are working on it, and doing a lot of "homework." Wink! Wink!

My husband and I have told everyone who will listen about how great it was so, Laura, you will have to be an extra good student and hurry through your graduate program so that we can plan on another cruise. We may double the attendance with a group from our circle of friends!"

Click here for the Cruise Information Page


Laura's podcastMarriage Podcast -- " The Strengthening Marriage Intimately Show"

The Women’s Information Network (The WIN) has asked Laura to be the host of a weekly woman's podcast entitled, "The Strengthening Marriage Intimately Show." She is excited about the opportunity to help strengthen marriages all around the world!

With these podcasts you'll find inspiration and information for creating a mutually fulfilling intimate relationship -- emotionally, spiritually and sexually. (Men may want to listen in as well!)

Check back on our website for more information as we prepare to launch the end of May 2008.

Until then you can enjoy some of the Radio Show Podcasts with Laura and Dr. Liz Hale now available on our Strengthening Marriage BLOG .


3 product imagesDownloadable Audio Products  

Make marriage education come alive. Get immediate access. Pay less, and enjoy convenient listening anytime -- day or night!

The following marriage strengthening products are available for downloadable purchase for easy listening on your computer, iPod or other MP3 player. Now you can go about your day while learning how to strengthen your marriage and family. Click on the following links to purchase your downloadable audio:

The following audio presentations will soon be available for download as well:

  • The Intricacies of Intimacy and Oneness
  • The Adventure of Marriage
  • Identifying and Overcoming Inhibitors of Intimacy
  • Secrets of the Female Sexual Response


Jim and KimCouples Photo "Anniversary Inn " Getaway Winner

Congratulations to Jim and Kim who were drawn as the winner of our 2008 Couples Photo Anniversary Inn giveaway. Here's what they had to say:

"Thank you so much for the Anniversary Inn gift certificate! We stayed in the Hollywood Romance suite, where we enjoyed free popcorn and soda all night, watched movies from the hot tub, and took a shower from the waterfall shower from the ceiling. It was a wonderful experience! Probably our favorite Anniversary celebration since our Honeymoon six years ago. I love reading your email newsletters as well as your book. Thank you for being an advocate for stronger marriages!"

Anniversary Inn We appreciate all those who shared their wonderful photos, and hope you will continue to send them our way. You can see all of the photos on our Couples Photos page. We appreciate the growing community of couples who are willing to be a part of strengthening marriages…intimately!


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Stay tuned for more intimacy insights in upcoming Strengthening Marriage Newsletters ... ! Click here to visit the e-Newsletter archive. If you missed the last newsletter, you can catch it here:

       "Better Than Chocolate" -- Marriage Newsltr #30 (Feb '08)



"Straight Talk about Strengthening Marriage" newsletters are created to strengthen marriages and build strong families--written by Laura M. Brotherson, intimacy educator and author of the book "And They Were Not Ashamed - Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment."
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