Gathering Place for Addiction Recovery Tools & Resources Originally my intention was to send an email with a variety of attached files to a bunch of my clients to share many of the helpful tools and handouts I use in helping people overcome compulsive/ addictive behavior. That email didn’t even make it out of my email system much less into anyone else’s, so I decided to create this blog post with links to the files instead… I hope this will make it even easier for those in need to use and/or share these resources with others. Text of the Email…

Hello Clients & Friends,

I recently attended a conference on sexual addiction recovery where I gathered some great new information and resources that I wanted to share. I figured this might be a good opportunity to share a variety of tools and resources that I’ve used with clients for some time.

My hope is that you and/or your spouse will review this material and utilize what may be helpful to you. I wish you each God’s speed and success in continuing to make the changes you desire. Overcoming compulsive/addictive behaviors is one of the toughest things clients face.

Keys to Recovery — Where Do I Begin? The key components of addiction recovery include the following for both the person with the compulsive/ addictive behaviors and the loved one or spouse. For those of you who may just be beginning on the road to recovery, here is an overview of the key things to get you started:

1. Get Educated — Read helpful books (see below) and other resources to better understand the addiction/ compulsive behavior and what to do to overcome and heal from it.
2. Individual Therapy — Find a good counselor that is trained and experienced with addiction to start working on your individual issues.
3. Couples/Relationship/Family Therapy — Find a good counselor that is trained and experienced with addiction as well as relationship issues to help address individual and relationship issues in a relational/systemic context. Both spouses have patterns of interacting that are likely sustaining the addictive cycle.
4. Accountability Partners — Identify and set up a few trusted individuals and/or a 12-step sponsor to be Accountability Partners for you to get out of secrecy, shame and isolation.
5. 12-Step Support Groups  — Attend local (usually free) support group meetings to gain needed education and support for both you and your loved one/spouse to break through the co- and counter-dependent patterns you’ve developed (i.e. Sexaholics Anonymous–SA.org, Alcoholics Anonymous–AA.org, Overeater’s Anonymous–OA.org, LDS Addiction Recovery Program, etc.)
6. Group Therapy Addiction Recovery Programs (i.e. LifeSTAR Sexual Addiction Recovery Program, see below) — Find and participate in a specific addiction recovery group therapy program to receive educational insights as well as assistance with the many deeper issues involved with addiction. Group therapy is a unique experience that provides a vital sense of shared experience as well as valuable insights and answers, while helping to diminish destructive shame.

Downloadable Files/Resources The following are some of the tools/files/handouts to utilize in your efforts to break free from compulsive/addictive behavior (click the link to open/save/print):

• Toolbox — Beating Compulsive/Addictive Behaviors — Compilation of many tools to help get you started right away on the road to recovery.
• Is It Addiction? — Criteria for Determining Sexual Addiction — a handout that simplifies the process of understanding what constitutes addiction and gives both quick and easy self-assessments and online assessments as well.
• Are You Addicted to Sex? — Signs that point to a problem/sexual addiction criteria and diagrams of the sexual addiction cycle.
• The Making of a Sex Addict (diagram) by Dr. Patrick Carnes
• The Making of a Sex Addict (article) by Dr. Patrick Carnes
• The Cycle of Addiction (diagram)
• Tasks of Sexual Addiction Recovery — 30 tasks identified by sexual addiction recovery experts by renowned addiction recovery expert Dr. Patrick Carnes.
• Breaking Unhealthy Habits: Slip Prevention Form — Worksheet to help you process through triggers and help stop the addiction cycle.
• Healthy Habits Worksheet — Helps to identify areas that are lacking in good self-care.
• 9 Core Emotions Exercise — This exercise helps people get in touch with their emotions that may otherwise get stuffed, which feeds addiction. This exercise also helps individuals practice expressing emotion (positive and negative), and can help people connect emotionally. Emotions need to have a safe outlet in which they can be expressed.
• Thinking Errors — Review these common thinking errors to help you stop stinkin’ thinkin’, which can lead you into the addictive cycle.
• Feelings Letter — Template for a letter to help process and shift anger/resentment, etc.
• Determining Personal Boundaries — List to help loved ones identify codependency/unhealthy emotional boundaries.
• Porn-Related Sex vs. Healthy Sex — List of differences between porn-related sex and healthy sex.
• The Hazards of Porn — List of the many hazards of porn use.
• The Surrender Prayer

Books

Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction by Patrick Carnes — one of the premier books on understanding sexual addiction.

Facing the Shadow: Starting Sexual and Relationship Recovery by Patrick Carnes —  one of the premier books on understanding sexual addiction recovery.

Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend — especially for loved ones/spouses to help build healthier emotional boundaries.

Healing Trauma through Self-Parenting — The Codependency Connection by Patricia O’Gorman and Phil Diaz — provides help and healing for those who’ve experienced trauma and the codependency learned as a coping skill.

Letting Go of Shame: Understanding How Shame Affects Your Life by Ronald Potter-Efron & Patricia Potter-Efron — especially helps men understand and let go of the shame that feeds the addiction cycle.

I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t) by Dr. Brene Brown — great book especially for women on shame, vulnerability, etc. — see also: http://www.brenebrown.com/books/2010/8/7/i-thought-it-was-just-me-but-it-isnt.html

• VIDEO — Brene Brown YouTube video clips on Shame
• VIDEO — Brené Brown: Listening to shame
• VIDEO — Shame & Empathy by Dr. Brené Brown

LifeSTAR Sexual Addiction Recovery Info/Resources

I’m a huge fan of the LifeSTAR Network Sexual Addiction Recovery Program, because I’ve seen it’s power to change lives–not just the one with addiction, but also their spouse. Individuals and couples need to get into the LifeSTAR program as soon as possible. Click here for info regarding LifeSTAR in your area. If you are in the Boise, Idaho area, click here to contact Shirley Henderson, Director of LifeSTAR of Boise. Additional LifeSTAR Information and Resources:

• http://lifestarnetwork.com/for_the_spouse.html — Information especially for the loved one/spouse
• http://lifestarnetwork.com/resources.html — List of many LifeSTAR Network Pornography Addiction Recovery resources
• http://lifestarstgeorge.com/resources — More LifeSTAR Network Pornography Addiction Recovery resources
• http://lifestarnetwork.com/about_lifestar.html — General information about the LifeSTAR program

Other Resources for Sexual Addiction Recovery

• http://www.sexhelp.com/ — website with an online sex addiction screening assessment and other helpful resources
• http://www.hopeandhealinglds.com/ — website for those affected by pornography/sexual addiction (both addicts and loved ones)
• http://faithfulandtrue.com/ — Faithful & True Ministries — Christian ministry helping men, women and couples with sexual addiction
• http://curethecraving.com/ — Cure The Craving has a goal to Save Families. They help people to create lasting change in their lives by strengthening individual character, strengthening relationships and keeping families together. They provide life-changing programs that are affordable, effective and anonymous.

Wives Online Support Group Getting immediate support for wives (of husbands that are struggling with compulsive sexual behavior) is vital! Many clients from all over the country have had good experience with this online/Skype group. (Hopefully this info is still current.):

WEBSITE — http://www.hopeandhealinglds.com/forum-for-wives/

There is a button on the right side of the page that says “Hope and Healing Forum.”  Once you click on the button you have to create a user name and password and request to join the bulletin board. Most people use a fake user name instead of their real name for privacy reasons. It may take a few days but someone will approve them and send them an email when their user name is approved.

The weekly wives group is on Thursday night at 8:30 p.m.?? (mountain time). To request to join the wives group:

    1. Go to www.google.com

    2. Click on the upper left hand corner the button that says “+You”

    3. Click on the upper right hand corner the button that says “Sign Up”

    4. Set up a google plus account (even if they already have a google plus account, most people set up an account using their fake name from the bulletin board for privacy reasons).  At this point, we know the real names of the people in the group but it is nice on google plus for it to not display your real name on the hang out list.

    5. Once you have an account, sign in.

    6. Click on the “Gmail” button

    7. Send a message to marlee saying you would like to join the Hope and Healing wives group. The morning of the meeting, she will send an email to everyone in the group asking if you plan to attend that night. If you respond and say you want to attend, you will receive an invitation to join the “Hang Out” at the planned time You need a web cam to participate. You accept the invitation to join the Hang Out and you will be connected to the group.

Thoughts on Addiction and Compulsive Behavior

• Shame and secrecy are the lifeblood of addiction.

Understanding Pornography and Its Effects

• VIDEO  — The Great Porn Experiment: Gary Wilson
• INFOGRAPHIC — The Science of Pornography Infographic — Check out this excellent infographic on how pornography rewires the brain from DesertSolace.com.

Check Back for Updates We will continue to add information and resources as we can, so let us know if you have found other resources to be helpful! Good luck to all in this difficult but doable journey of beating compulsive behaviors and addictions.